


Don't Know What's Inside of Me

by Love_eat_procrastinate



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abandoned Fic, Alcohol, Angst, Blackmail, Breakups, Car Accidents, Cheating, Comas - Freeform, Drugs, F/M, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Lots of drama, M/M, More Hurt Than Comfort, Murder, Rebounds, Recovery, Revenge, Slight Smut, Smoking, im sorry, more smut in later chapters, some sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8474527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_eat_procrastinate/pseuds/Love_eat_procrastinate
Summary: Josh saw this next chain of events in slow motion. The first thing he noticed was Tyler.The second thing he noticed was the bright red Prius. The third thing he noticed was the man across the street





	1. Impatience

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic! I hope you guys like it, and comments and kudos are always appreciated!!! 
> 
> More chapters coming soon, hopefully!!!!

Josh awoke to the sound of a loud clatter, and his boyfriend Tyler yelling a loud "Fuck!" He shot up out of bed and ran into the small kitchen in their shared apartment.  
He let out a huff of relief at what he saw; Tyler was at the pantry, elbow deep in a bag of flour, and Josh saw a sizzling pan with bacon and frying oil spilling out onto the floor. Josh stared confusedly before opening his mouth to ask,

"Tyler, what exactly is going on here?"  
Tyler crookedly grinned before replying. 

"I wanted to be a good boyfriend and make you breakfast. I hoped you would wake up to the smell of my delicious food, but then I grabbed the hot pan handle and, well, here you are, awake, and the  
bacon is barely halfway done." 

"What a shame" Josh replied "so what's with the flour?"

"Oh yeah!" Tyler beamed, and Josh could've sworn he saw the world in that smile. "Apparently flour helps burns from becoming painful, according to my aunt." 

"Well, is it working?" asked Josh, who walked over to clean up the mess. 

"It actually is helping. Thanks for asking." Josh reaches down to grab the pan when Tyler quickly says "Josh, don't touch that! That's still-"

"Shit! Fuck! That hurts!" Josh howls, quickly throwing the pan back onto the floor. He rushes over to Tyler and shoves his hand into the bag of flour. He exhales softly, the flour was actually soothing to him. He catches Tyler staring at him, a slight smirk on his face and a loving look in his eyes. They both burst into giggles, when Tyler rests his head on Josh's shoulder. 

"What are we doing? We need breakfast, yet here we are, hands in flour and laughing like hyenas. We need to finish making food before I starve to death." Josh removes his hand from the sack

"Tyler you worry too much. There's nothing wrong with eating out for breakfast." Josh patted his flour coated hand on Tyler's black pajama shirt. Tyler looks at Josh with an amused look on his face before grabbing a handful of flour and chasing him across his apartment. 

"Joshua, you get back here! This is my favorite pajama shirt!" Tyler playfully yelled.

Josh turned his head and replied "That's why it ends up on the floor every night, along with the rest of our clothes" he winked at Tyler, and ran back into the bedroom. Tyler laughed and tackled him, the handful of flour landing on Josh, covering his face in powder. They landed on the bed, and Tyler whispered to him. 

"You have a little something on your lips"

Josh grinned. "Yeah? Why don't you get it off then?"

Tyler quickly pressed his lips to Josh's, running his tongue along Josh's bottom lip. Josh returned the kiss, but let Tyler stay in control of the kiss. Josh savored every kiss that him and his boyfriend shared. He pretty much savored every moment they spent together. Tyler was his best friend, and he was so in love with him. Moments like this just reminded him of that. Tyler moans into the kiss and grinds into Josh's lap slowly before getting up and laughing when Josh whined. 

"Sorry. I don't know if you forgot, but there is grease and bacon on the floor, ruining the tile in my kitchen. Someone's gotta clean it up". He blew a quick kiss at Josh over his shoulder. "Love you!"

"Love you too!" Josh replied, and he meant that, 100 percent.  
_____________________________________

After a breakfast date at IHOP, the happy couple stopped by the mall to visit their favorite store. It was a small thrift store at the very edge of the mall, and it was the best place to people watch and buy cute knick knacks. After begging, pleading, and a whole lot of kisses, Josh finally convinced Tyler to buy some cute snow globes for Christmas time, which wasn't for another month.

"They're so cute! Look at this one! Frosty the Snowman is flicking us off!" He said excitedly, pointing to the novelty snow globe in his hand. Tyler smiled and kissed Josh's forehead, running a hand through his hot pink curls. 

"How are you so goddamn cute?" Tyler mumbled under his breath.  
"I think it's the hair, or the smile, or...other things" he winked, grabbing at Tyler's crotch. 

Tyler blushed and murmured, "Josh! Not here!"

Josh laughed and grabbed Tyler's hand, caressing his knuckles with his thumb. They walked out of the mall hand in hand, and it wasn't until they reached a crosswalk that Tyler let go. It was taking far too long for the lights to change, and quite frankly, Tyler was getting impatient. He let out a frustrated groan and walked ahead, trying to navigate through oncoming traffic without getting injured. 

Josh saw this next chain of events in slow motion. The first thing he noticed was Tyler. Tyler was walking in front of honking cars, with his hand nervously tugging at his dark brown hair. Josh was silently praying that he would walk on back to him, back into his arms. The second thing he noticed was the bright red Prius. He saw the driver on her phone, probably texting. She most likely hadn't even noticed Tyler. The third thing he noticed was the man across the street smoking a cigarette. He didn't really know why he had focused on that man. There was something about that cigarette that he couldn't take his eye off of. The way the smoke curled up and faded into nothing, the red and orange embers, slowly but surely eating up that cigarette as fast as the man was smoking it, was simply putting him in a trance. His eyes then glanced back over to Tyler, who was attempting to dodge the Prius, but the car was moving far too fast. Tyler was struck by the car, and it was as if the entire street fell silent as Tyler let out a pained shriek, and hit the pavement as the car stopped. It was when the man smoking ran over to the middle of the street that things started to register for Josh. 

He whispered out a "No" and ran over to Tyler, who was already attracting a crowd.

"Please, let me through! He's my boyfriend!" He yelled out, tears threatening to break through at any moment. The girl who was driving the car was crying and scratching the skin on her arms. She ran to Josh. 

"I'm so sorry! I didn't even see him, I swear it was an accident!" 

Josh shook his head and was pushing through the crowd, hearing various calls to 9-1-1, when he saw Tyler. Tyler, the beautiful man he had laughed with and kissed this very morning, the one he had shared his pancakes with at IHOP, and the one he had loved more than anything in this world, was sprawled out on the asphalt. There was blood all around his head. Josh dropped his shopping bag and kneeled down beside Tyler. Sobs racked through his body, rendering him unable to breathe. He began hyperventilating when he heard the ambulance getting closer and closer. He picked Tyler up and cradled him into his lap, tears falling down his cheeks and onto Tyler's face. Blood was getting all over him, but he didn't care. When the ambulance arrived, they took Tyler and began treatment on him. Josh could hardly pay attention. He was allowed to ride the truck with Tyler to the hospital. He climbed in and saw Tyler with an oxygen mask, and that was when something snapped inside him. 

Josh began sobbing even harder, this was all real. He could hardly believe it, this was reality.


	2. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is updated on Tyler's condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love writing this. 
> 
> No fluff in this chapter sorry
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to leave comments!

The hospital waiting room gave off an aura of despair, and Josh felt uneasy as soon as he took a seat on the old, worn down blue chair. It was a large room, with chairs lined up in neat rows. He took note of the rack of magazines on the other side of the room, filled with scandals he couldn't care less about at this point. A small girl was in the corner of the room, throwing up into a trash can, while a clearly anxious and upset father rubbed her back. He felt a little angry, why wouldn't they treat her? She was bawling and vomiting all over the trash can, yet the nurses didn't even look at her. What the hell kind of hospital is this? He went up to the receptionist's desk. 

"Hey, what can I do for you?" The receptionist said, not looking up from his computer.

"Yeah, I want to know why that little girl isn't in a room yet." He answered, teeth clenched. He was becoming more and more angry, and he didn't really understand why.

The receptionist continued typing.  
"The pediatricians are all busy, she'll have to wait."

"Could you at least give her a room?" Josh said, voice becoming slightly aggressive.

"That's not for me to decide, sir. I'm not a concierge, and this isn't a hotel. When a doctor sees her chart, she'll be admitted. Easy and simple. Now, please sit down and wait, I'm sure someone will be with you shortly." The man looks up, and is slightly taken aback by Josh's angry expression. 

"Listen here, you fucking prick. That little girl is in a lot of pain, or are you paying too much attention to the fucking computer to see that? Now, if you don't do something, you will be in more pain than everyone in this hospital combined, got it?" Josh was yelling now. This was weird, Josh was the most passive and kind person anyone has ever met. Why was he so infuriated? He slammed his hand down on the desk in frustration and confusion. What was wrong with him?

Before the man had an opportunity to respond, a door opened. A short nurse with long, brown hair and tan skin peered out of it, eyes falling on Josh. 

"Um, Mr. Dun? Would you come with me please? We'd like to update you on Mr. Joseph's condition." She said in a reassuring voice. 

Josh took a deep nervous breath, and looked back at the girl and her father. The girl was still doubled over the trash can, but the father had his eyes on Josh, mouth open in shock, before nodding his head and mouthing a "Thank You" to Josh. Josh took shaky steps towards the nurse, who looked at him with sympathy. She closed the door behind them and took long strides to the room. Josh had stopped right in front of the room. He couldn't do it. He couldn't walk into that room. The nurse turned around and looked at him.

"Everything okay?" She asked calmly. She had been through this enough times to know exactly what he was thinking. When he shook his head, she put her hand on his shoulder. 

"Listen, I know this must be impossible, and what you might hear may be difficult, but at least you'll know, right? You won't have to go to sleep tonight and imagine situations in which he is worse than he actually is. Do you mind me asking your relationship with him?" She asked gently, calming Josh's nerves slightly.

"He's my boyfriend." Josh replied shakily, holding back a sob.

"That makes it even more important that you know, okay? Wouldn't he do the same for you?" She replied, letting go of Josh's shoulder, and carefully guided him into the room. 

However, no pep talk could've ever prepared him for what he saw. 

Tyler was laying in the hospital bed, eyes shut, and head wrapped up in bandages. There was a tube in his mouth, going all the way down his throat, and connecting to a large machine. Josh found that machine to be the most unsettling part. It reduced his boyfriend down to numbers, statistics to put on a chart if he... no. Josh mentally chastised himself for even thinking about Tyler dying. It just felt so wrong to visualize. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts to the doctor stepping into the old, dingy room. 

"Hello. I'm Doctor Gibson, you must be Josh, Tyler's partner, right?" The woman asked, her light blue eyes meeting Josh, who was nodding his head. She tucked a few strands of fiery red hair behind her ear before reaching her hand out to shake Josh's hand. He hesitantly shook her hand and asked,  
"What's wrong with him?"  
She sharply inhaled.  
"Well, Tyler is suffering from severe head trauma, a broken wrist, and a fractured skull. We've managed to stabilize his condition, but he had fallen into a coma shortly after."

Josh zoned out after hearing the word "coma". What would that mean for Tyler? She kept talking though, spewing medical nonsense that had no meaning to him. All he could think about was the poor man, unconscious on the bed.

He glanced over to him, blocking out all sound, and focusing on Tyler's hand. His wrist was wrapped up, and there was an IV sticking into the vein in his hand. His gaze had went back up to his wrist, the cast had covered up Tyler's wrist tattoo. The tattoo that Josh had first noticed on their first date, was hidden under a disgusting white shell. He loved that tattoo, and now he couldn't even distract himself with its elegance, its beauty. Now he was upset. 

".... In order to keep the life support working, it will cost about 3,000 dollars a day, give or take, but Mr. Joseph's insurance will cover the costs for the first two months."  
She kept going, why wouldn't she just shut up? Josh was extremely distressed now.

"Why are you telling me this? Why? Can you please just shut up for five minutes? I can't do this. How do you expect me to deal with this, when all you talk about is finance?" He sat down by Tyler's side and began begging. 

"Ty, baby, please wake up. Please, I can't be alone. Just wake up." He kept repeating those words, sobbing and gasping and begging. He turned around to see the doctor had left the room. He pressed a kiss to Tyler's forehead.

"You were so goddamn cute."

Tyler didn't respond.


	3. Parallels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh goes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing nonstop, I'm having so much fun with this.
> 
> Leave a comment! And thanks for reading!!!

Once Josh had calmed down slightly, he went to a vending machine and ate some chips, which had no flavor to him. The police had come around a while later, asking him questions about the incident. Once he had answered all their questions, Josh was close to a breakdown.  
Dr. Gibson had stopped by yet again, and Josh decided he was really getting sick of her. 

"You know, being cooperative with the police can really help you get closure, sometimes. I'm really proud of you for letting them help." She said in an attempt to be supportive. This only made Josh more pissed off at her.

"You know, that's really fucking great!" He replied, mocking her voice. "Listen, you need to stop trying to make me feel better. The only damn thing that will help me is Tyler waking up, and so far you haven't done jack shit. So stop acting like you fucking know me, kay?" There he went again with his attitude. He really needed to stop that. After all, she was only trying to help. Josh pushed that guilt out of his mind. He had more important things to think about. 

For the rest of the day, Josh had stayed by Tyler's side for hours, activities ranging from talking and crying to staring blankly at him. He was so sure he would laugh whenever he told a joke, or that he would get up and give him a hug when the tears emerged yet again.

"Mr. Dun?" It was Dr. Gibson, speaking very softly in fear of being told off again. "I'm just here to do some tests on Tyler. Maybe you should go home, change, and get some rest?" She suggested, gazing at his outfit. He glanced down to see he was still covered in Tyler's dried blood. He grimaced and nodded his head, walking out with his shopping bag without saying a word.

There was something eerie about the hospital's hallways at night. They were rather empty, with abandoned carts and gurneys scattered all around the area. The lights were a little too bright, making the white walls appear to be glowing. The various machines and beeps could be heard from every room with a patient, making his thoughts wander back to Tyler. He shuddered and shook his head, walking toward the main entrance. 

He had almost walked out the door when he saw an array of pamphlets laid out on a counter near the magazine rack. He sorted through each one until he found one that applied to his current situation. He shoved it into his jacket pocket and went out into the parking lot. It was then he had realized he had arrived in an ambulance ; Josh had left his car near the mall.

He let out a sound of anguish and took out his phone. He pressed the home button and tried not to stare at the picture of Tyler as his lock screen for too long. When his phone was unlocked, he let out a tense breath as he looked at a different picture of Tyler as his home screen. He couldn't take his eyes off of him. He was simply stunning, to say the least. His dark brown eyes glittered, his hair was as flawless as ever, and he had the most gorgeous smile on his face. That was the smile Josh had fallen in love with. His arm tattoos were on full display, and Josh's stomach did a loving flip before returning to it's place, feeling sunken and heavy. 

Josh closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, letting the cold night air fill his nostrils, the faint smell of cigarettes reaching him as he exhaled. He was almost instantly brought back to that moment, brought back to that man smoking a cigarette on the side of the street. Back when that girl, _No _Josh thought, _that bitch _had put his partner into a coma. He took a seat at the curb and tried to catch his breath.____

____It took a few minutes to calm down, and when he did, he called a taxi cab to the hospital. When the taxi came, he took a seat in the back and closed his eyes for the first time that day. The cab driver seemed to sense his distress, and decided to leave him be for the rest of the ride. When they arrived to the mall's parking lot, the cab driver looked back at Josh, who was paying the man._ _ _ _

____"Hey man, I hope things get better for you." He said sympathetically._ _ _ _

____"Me, too." He replied, closing the door and walking to his car, a blue Nissan Altima. He put his shopping bag in the backseat and took a seat at the driver's side. He started the engine and looked to the side. He felt a twinge of sadness; Tyler should be right next to him._ _ _ _

____The drive was too quiet. He stared out into the road, distracting himself from reality. The drive took a bit longer than usual, he took a detour to avoid seeing that damned crosswalk. He had to keep it together, he could not break down, and he knew that seeing that crosswalk would make everything come back. He looked at the night sky instead, the deep navy blue sky, littered in glowing stars that he knew were so far away. The crescent moon was shining bright in the night, illuminating the darkness, but no matter how hard Josh wished, it refused to illuminate the dark situation he was in.  
__________________________________ _ _ _

____When Josh opened the door to his apartment, the first thing he wanted to do was jump into his bed. The only thing stopping him from doing so was a light coming from the kitchen. His first thought was someone was robbing the apartment, making his shitty day even shittier. He ran into the kitchen and saw the kitchen light still on; Tyler must've forgotten to turn it off. The pan from this morning was laying on the drying rack, and the sack of flour was still out on the counter. He was reminded of the blissfully domestic events of that morning._ _ _ _

____Once he put away the pan, he looked down at his hand and noticed the red welt on his hand, and noticed it was still slightly throbbing. He stuck his hand into the bag of flour, and felt the soft powder between his fingers, and let out a shaky sob. After a few minutes, he wiped his hand on his shirt, where Tyler's blood was. He stumbled back into the bedroom, peeled off his shirt, and nestled himself underneath the covers, and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow._ _ _ _

____The last thing on his mind was that he missed Tyler, 100 percent._ _ _ _


	4. Reminiscence and Pamphlets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is taken to the past for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this one you have some fluff in the midst of Josh being sad. Enjoy!!! 
> 
> As usual, comments and kudos make my day!!

Despite that day's events, Josh had found it very easy to sleep. His steady snores had filled the room, though no one was there to hear them. His eyes shot open and he let out a sleepy yawn. For a moment, he could have sworn he saw a brown haired figure sleeping next to him.

"Good mor-" Josh turned to the side and realized the events that transpired the day before.

"-ning." He whispered out. 

Josh rubbed his eyes and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He quickly undressed and hopped into the shower. The water was hot, cascading down his body in thin streams. He began washing his hair, running his fingers through his soap-covered scalp. After a few minutes of massaging, he runs his head under the shower head, basking in the warmth of the water. He opened his eyes and saw Tyler's citrus shampoo, and couldn't stop himself from opening it up and taking a deep inhale. God, the smell was damn near intoxicating. It was so... Tyler. He took another deep breathe, and memories of a particularly cold night in bed with Tyler took him away from the cramped shower.

*******11 months earlier*******  
Josh and Tyler were pressed against one another in their bed on a cold December evening. The heat radiating off of the two was still not enough to warm them, and they were shivering.

"Remind me why we thought this duvet was more important than paying for the heating to be fixed?" Josh asked, teeth chattering. 

"This duvet is nice, although I have to admit, it doesn't work as well as I thought it would." Tyler cuddled up to Josh, hiding his face into Josh's neck, breathing deeply. 

"At least we get to do this, this is nice, right?" Josh put his arms around Tyler, breathing in his citrus-smelling hair. 

Tyler giggled, "Yeah, this is nice. It's way more than nice, trust me." His giggles evolved into full blown laughter, and Josh let out a snicker. 

"What's so funny?"

"It's just" he was interrupted by his own angelic laughter, "We're sitting here, freezing our asses off and having to rely on each other's body heat, which is hardly helping. All because I thought this fucking duvet looked nice!" 

Josh had joined in on the laughter at this point, and the two of them had begun laughing almost hysterically, until a loud bang from the adjacent apartment and a muffled, "Shut up!" stopped them.  
They both looked at each other, eyes wide in embarrassment, and smirks on their faces. Tyler quickly nestled his face back into Josh's neck, pressing a quick kiss to his jugular, and mumbling, "Good night, J"

Josh kissed the top of his head, and stayed there. "Night, Ty."  
********  
Josh let out a deafening sob, clutching the shampoo bottle to his chest as he sat against the shower wall. He was quickly snapped out of his daydream, and sniffled as he wiped his eyes. He stood up and finished his shower, turning off the water, and stepping out into the bathroom. He went up to the mirror and wiped the fog off of it, before noticing a small sticky note on the counter. His heart sank as soon as he saw it; Tyler had always left cute notes all around the house, and he must've put this one on the mirror before they left. Josh picked it up and read it. 

_Josh!_  
I love you, especially now that we're burn buddies! After all, boyfriends that get cooked together, stay together!  
Ty 

Josh let out a small giggle. It was just like Tyler to leave a corny joke for him. He folded it up and wrapped a towel around his waist. As he entered his bedroom, Josh put that note on his nightstand, and went over towards the dresser. When taking his clothes out of the drawer, his stomach let out a rather loud growl. It had been so long since he'd eaten, and he quickly got dressed before looking for something to eat in the kitchen. 

He opened the fridge and took out a carton of milk, and went into the pantry and dug out a box of cereal.  
He slowly poured it into a bowl, and ate. He saw his jacket laying on the floor, and stood up and looked through it's pockets, before he found what he was looking for. He sat back down and read while he ate. 

The pamphlet's title read: "Comas: A Guide for Families and Friends.", with a subtitle, "Staying Strong in a Time of Stress, Sadness, and Discomfort." Josh scoffed at the rather cheesy front page. A woman was laying on a hospital bed, with a group of people sobbing around her. He rolled his eyes and turned to the next page.  
_________________________________ 

Once he had read the whole thing, he put away the mess he had made in the kitchen, and made his way to the car parked on the curb. Once he climbed in, he made his way to the hospital, driving past the beautiful, scenic route. He passed a broken tire swing set, and was pulled into another memory of Tyler. 

*********4 Months Earlier********* 

Josh was swaying on a tire swing, feet dangling, and eyes closed, not realizing Tyler was staring at him.  
Tyler was sitting on a patch of grass, eyes on Josh, before getting up and quietly moving behind him and covering his eyes. 

"Guess who?" Tyler asked, in an attempt to be seductive. 

"Tyler, you're the only one with me. That's not gonna work, dude" Josh said, turning around to face Tyler. 

"Well," Tyler said walking around and straddling Josh's lap, still on the tire swing. "Maybe this will surprise you." He grinned, and began moving his hips down on Josh, who moaned slightly. The entire swing began to move back and forth in the rhythm of Tyler's grinding. Josh let go of the ropes, and grabbed Tyler's hips, pushing him down on his groin. Tyler met Josh's lips, pressing a kiss that grew more and more heated. Their tongues were moving against each other, and the swing began creaking. Neither boy paid any mind, for they were too focused on the actions of one another. All of a sudden, the frayed ropes snapped, and the two lovers tumbled to the ground. Josh landed on top of Tyler, and both laughed frustratedly at the situation. 

"Goddamn it. I really wanted you to fuck me on that swing set." Said Tyler, who pushed Josh aside, getting up and removing the grass from his hair. 

"Jesus, Ty! Other people use that! Besides, that's some kinky trapeze artist shit, are you sure you can handle that?" Josh said, shaking his head. 

"Hey! I can handle everything thrown at me and you know it, Dun" 

******************  
Josh had smiled to himself at that memory, that was their 3 year anniversary. Tyler ended up getting what he wanted, but it wasn't on that tire. Josh had to collect himself before his mind wandered to that, he could not go to the hospital with a hard on. He had found himself at the hospital a few minutes later, anxious for an update on Tyler's condition. 

_____________________________________ 

"Mr. Dun, you're looking well rested, always a good sign!" Dr. Gibson exclaimed, leading him down the hallway to Tyler's room. 

"Yeah, Yeah, thanks." He grumbled; he still hadn't warmed up to her. 

"So," she said, pacing into Tyler's room. "After you left, I took the liberty of doing an examination of Tyler's condition. These tests were administered to find out where he was on the -" 

"Glasgow Coma Scale" Josh interjected. Dr. Gibson raised her eyebrows, looking impressed. He took the pamphlet out of his jacket pocket and waved it in the air. 

"Well, looks like someone read up. That's always good." She smiled at him and he rolled his eyes. 

"So, how did he do?" Josh asked. 

Dr. Gibson's smile turned into a slight frown. "Well, Tyler scored a 4 out of 15. Which is both good and bad. Good because he isn't totally unresponsive, he did score a 2 of 5 on his ability to react to pain. But, it's bad because he is comatose, and total unresponsiveness is given a score of 3 or less. In most cases, giving the brain time to heal usually helps the patient become more and more responsive until they fully wake up." She explained, looking at Josh and trying to predict his next move. 

Josh's brain was moving at a mile a minute. He needed a moment to process all these results. He sat down and put his head between his hands. Dr. Gibson took this as a sign to leave, and slowly walked out, moving on to her next patient. 

Josh looked up to gaze at Tyler, only to catch a glimpse of him, and automatically look back down. He tried again and again, but he just couldn't look at Tyler. What the hell? It was his boyfriend, why couldn't he just look at him? He feels like he's gone fucking insane, and he didn't even have the decency to even stare at him. 

He was in the hospital for maybe 10 minutes, and he felt like he was suffocating. All he wanted was out, so that's what he did, he went out. 


	5. Newports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh picks up an old habit of Tyler's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun to write
> 
> Enjoy! Leave comments and kudos to make my day!!

Josh regretted walking out the moment he drove out of the parking lot of the hospital. He knew it was a shitty thing to do, but he was so freaked out he couldn't help it. He thought back to what that nurse said to him yesterday.

"Wouldn't he do the same for you?"

This made Josh feel even worse, and he promised that he would give himself a half an hour to get back and be there for Tyler, no matter what was thrown at them, he would get back by 9:45 AM. He drove around until he saw a small gas station. He pulled into it to refuel his car. After, he decided to walk into the convenience store, where an employee gave him a toothy smile.

"Hey, what can I do for you?" The man asked. 

Josh paused for a moment, did he really want to go through with this?  
Fuck it, he thought. 

"Yeah, can you get me a pack of cigarettes and a lighter?" He asked. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Any cigarettes in particular, or would you take any old one?" 

"Newports" Josh said, remembering the brand Tyler used to smoke, back when they had first started dating. The man grabbed the pack off of the shelf, and rung up his total.

"Alright, your total is $8.11," Josh handed him a ten dollar bill, and told the worker to keep the change. Once he walked out, he took a good, long look at the cigarette package, before opening it up to inspect the cigarette itself. He put it in between his lips, and hesitated. He twirled the lighter between his fingers, before reading the writing on the side of it. 

"Smoking Kills"

********** 2 years earlier*********  
The two men were standing outside of a small cafe, ducked under an umbrella as they stood out in the rain.

Tyler searched through his worn down coat before retrieving a pack of Newports and an old, plastic lighter. His hands were shaking as he took one out of the package, before lighting it and taking a drag. Josh was mesmerized by the expression of relief and relaxation on Tyler's face as the rush of nicotine began to make it's way through his body. Tyler opened his eyes, noticed the man in front of him staring, and looked at Josh confusedly. 

"What?" Tyler inquired. "Never seen someone smoke before?" He teased Josh, cigarette smoldering between his fingers. 

Josh smiled. "Smoking kills. You know that right?" 

Tyler shakes his head, and rolls his eyes as he retorts, "Fuck that. Have you tried one? They're great. Especially this brand." He offered him a drag, and when Josh shook his head, he pouted. 

"C'mon, don't make me feel selfish."

Josh took the cigarette between his fingers, looked up at Tyler, who was nodding his head encouragingly. Josh dropped the cigarette on the damp pavement, and smothered it with the bottom of his shoe. 

Tyler looked irritated. "Really? You could've just handed it back to me." He let out a groan, before reaching back into his pocket to take out another one. 

Josh grabbed his hand. "Tyler, I swear to God, if you take out another one, I will throw that whole pack in the rain and run over it with the car." Tyler was about to protest when Josh said, "Smoking kills, Ty. Quit."   
*********************************

What a hypocrite, Josh thought to himself, while mimicking what Tyler used to do, igniting the end of the cigarette. He took a drag, inhaling deeply, attempted to exhale, and was pulled into a small coughing fit. Once he had gotten over that, he tried one more drag, which went more smoothly. By the time he finished the cigarette, he had stopped coughing, but he had a bad headache and was very nauseous. He looked around and saw he was still at the gas station, and he cringed; what fucking idiot smokes at a gas station? He walked on back to his car, and sat there for a few minutes, eyes closed, trying to relax. The headache wasn't going away. He peered at the clock; it 9:36, he should probably get going. He put the key in the ignition, started the car, and was back on the road. His thoughts had traveled to Tyler, and his condition. He wasn't totally brain dead, apparently, but he was pretty damn close. He hoped Tyler would wake up before the two months was over, because Josh really didn't know how he was going to cough up 3 grand a day for the damn life support. He was suddenly thrown into a wave of panic; he had not yet told Tyler's parents. 

"Shit!" He yelled, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel. Was he even obligated to at this point? He had met them once, and Tyler hadn't spoken to them since he was 23. From what Josh was told, they had practically disowned him when he came out to them. Still, he was sure they would still be worried about him. He took out his phone and spotted Tyler's mother's phone number. He waited for an answer, and when it got sent to voicemail, he spoke.

"Hey, Mrs. Joseph, this is Joshua, Tyler's ...partner." Josh cringed, really? Partner? "I just wanted to let you know that, well, Tyler's been in an accident." Josh swallowed back a sob. "And well, he's in the hospital. Please call me as soon as you get this; he's in a coma, and I don't know if he's gonna wake up anytime soon." His voice was breaking now, "His treatment costs 3 thousand dollars a day, but his insurance only covers two months of it. I need your help, please, to save up some money. Call me back." Josh threw his phone to the passenger's seat, and yelled. 

It was a yell of agony, something he had been meaning to let out since Tyler had dropped like a fly. It was a shriek, signifying the loss he had experienced. It made his headache exponentially worse. It was a cry, a cry at the memory of the man laying in that hospital, alone, with no one there to comfort him. It was a scream, a scream of misery, and when Josh thought of the idea of Tyler never waking up, it turned into a scream of heartbreak.  
_________________________________

It was 6:00 PM. Josh was sitting by Tyler's side, reading a magazine when he started fidgeting. His legs starting shaking, his fingers were twitching, and he needed another cigarette. He stood and picked up his coat before looking at Tyler. 

"I'll be right back, baby" he said, kissing the top of Tyler's head.   
Tyler, said nothing, of course, and Josh felt a little angry. His anger was than consumed by guilt; Tyler couldn't help being in a coma. He stepped out side and lit a cigarette. 

He was halfway through his third cigarette when his phone buzzed in his pocket. His heart started racing and he smothered the cigarette; it must've been Tyler's mother. He frowned when he saw she had sent a text. Why hadn't she had the decency to call? He unlocked the phone and read the message. His heart dropped and he was pissed off. 

It read: 

Joshua. The last thing me and my husband need is a reminder of Tyler and his choices, you being one of them. He's 26 years old; he can take care of his own medical conditions. We have no wish to be involved in this lifestyle. Thank you for informing me, but please don't contact me again. Good luck with the payment.

Josh threw his phone at the wall across from him. The screen shattered and fell to the ground, surrounded in little shards of glass. 

"Fuck!" He screamed, throwing his fist into the wall. His knuckles split, and he let out an agonized yell. He threw his fist into the wall over and over, blood spilling down his hand. He let out a breath, closed his eyes, and sat down against the wall. He took out another cigarette and lit that one, smoking it while wincing at his bleeding fist. He had stayed like that until he had finished that cigarette.

Josh was walking back to the hospital when he ran right into a figure with fiery red hair. Great, it was Gibson. She looked down at his fist in surprise.

"Mr. Dun, what happened? Here, come with me." She ushered him into an empty room. 

"So, what brought this on?" Dr. Gibson asked. 

Josh hesitated before answering, "I punched a wall. I was angry." She raised her eyebrows at him, while carefully cleaning off his arm. He continued, "Tyler's mom isn't helping us with payment if he doesn't wake up in two months." He winced at the peroxide coating his knuckles.

She looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. There are always options to discuss payment methods when the time comes. Don't be too down, Josh." She said hopefully, wrapping his hand in some bandages. "And don't hurt yourself! Stay positive." She stepped away from him. 

"Thank you, I guess, Dr. Gibson-"

"Allison" she interrupted.

"Thanks, Allison." Josh said awkwardly. "I'm gonna go check on Tyler." He stood up. 

Allison watched Josh walk out of the room and smiled. She bit her lip and blushed; her name coming out of his mouth was nice.  
_____________________________________

"Anyway, she's not helping Ty, it's almost like she doesn't even care." Josh looked down, and grabbed Tyler's hand with his injured hand. "God, Ty, please be okay. Please. I'm not sure I can take this anymore, I feel like I'm losing it." Josh looked up, Tyler's eyes were still shut, the breathing tube was protruding from his lips, and his chest was rising and falling gently. Josh let go of his hand, and curled up on the chair. 

He fell asleep to the sound of the machines keeping Tyler alive, and the smell of Newports filling his nostrils.


	6. Rage and the Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets bad news and doesn't cope well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I've been able to write! University and work are hard to balance lol, but this chapter is the longest one so far! Enjoy!! Also smut!!!
> 
> Warnings: the ending of this chapter contains a bit of stong and hurtful dialogue.

**********1 week later*********

Tyler was pressed up against Josh, lazily making out with him against the wall. There was something different about him, something more dominant and in control. He ran his hands up and down the sides of Josh's torso, before resting his hands on Josh's shoulders. He moved down to his neck, kissing and sucking on the area that drove Josh absolutely crazy. Josh let out a loud, tantalizing moan that made Tyler lightheaded.

"Ty. Please" Josh was repeating this over and over, and Tyler stopped. He stood up straight and gazed at Josh before jumping forward, kissing Josh roughly, teeth nipping at Josh's lips. The amount of force put into the kiss was enough to make Josh weak at the knees. Tyler took a step back to admire his handiwork.  
Josh was leaning on the wall for support, eyes closed, lips red and swollen, glistening in saliva, and a large hickey on his neck. Josh couldn't have looked more perfect. 

Tyler leaned into Josh, whispering,  
"On your knees, beautiful." Josh dropped to his knees, holding onto Tyler's hips. He grabbed the waist band of Tyler's jeans and boxers, looking up at him. Tyler smirked at Josh before winking at him. Josh's stomach did little flips as he pulled down his pants. 

Josh licked the palm of his hand before he grasped Tyler's cock, curling his delicate fingers around the shaft. He glided his hand up and down before reaching the tip, where he kissed it lightly. Josh knew just how sensitive Tyler's tip was, so he took it into is mouth, swirling his tongue around before resting it on the slit. Tyler was moaning intensely, bucking his hips forward and pushing his dick all the way into Josh's mouth. Josh hollowed out his cheeks as he began slowly moving his head up and down Tyler's cock. Tyler pulled at Josh's hair, and quickly lost patience with Josh. 

"Quit fucking teasing." He snapped, slamming his hips into Josh's face. He began fucking Josh's face quickly, giving Josh almost no time to catch his breath. Josh moaned each time Tyler hit the back of his throat, the vibrations bring Tyler closer and closer to the edge. It was when Josh swallowed, or attempted to swallow, around Tyler, that he came, hard. Tyler was gasping and moaning curses and Josh's name as he finished in Josh's mouth. As soon as he had swallowed, Josh stood up to gently kiss Tyler. Their lips met, and Josh realized that he had really missed Tyler's lips. The kiss became more passionate as Josh ran his fingers through Tyler's hair. When he reached the back of Tyler's head when he felt something... wet. He pulled away from kiss; Tyler's eyes were shut as Josh retracted his hand, only to see it was covered in crimson. Tyler fell to the ground and Josh felt like he was losing all sense and sanity. 

It seemed like the walls were closing in on him as he heard a pained shriek. It was Tyler screaming.  
*********************************

Josh's eyes shot open and he was panting for air. He was in his bedroom, alone. He looked over at the clock beside his bed, which read 3:30 PM. Was he really asleep for that long? His chest was rising and falling heavily until he realized it was all just a dream. Tyler did not wake up, and he sure as hell didn't fuck Josh's face. Josh was disappointed to say the least. He missed Tyler with all his heart, but there was no part he missed more than the sexual intimacy he had with him. It's been over a week since he's fucked Tyler; he was desperate and very turned on. He slid his boxers off and wrapped his hand around his cock. He thought about the dream he had just had, minus the ending, of course. He thought about Tyler being in control. Tyler always bottomed whenever they had sex, so this idea was a fairly new concept. Josh was rapidly jerking himself off, and in the end, it was the thought of Tyler sliding his dick inside of Josh that sent him over the edge. He worked himself through his orgasm until it became too sensitive to jerk off. He stood up and went into the bathroom to shower, images of Tyler's injured head plaguing him for the entire shower.

Once he had finished his shower, he cleaned the room, washed the dishes, and watered Tyler's favorite plants. As soon as he was done, he headed straight to the hospital.  
_____________________________________

"Hi, Mr. Dun!" The brown haired, tan nurse, from last week welcomed him into the room. She was standing near Tyler, taking notes on a clipboard. 

"Hey, what's up? How is he?" He asked, taking a seat at Tyler's side.

"Well, I'm just checking his vitals right now, but I do believe that Alli- Dr. Gibson, that is, will update you soon." Her face softened, "How are you holding up?" 

"To be honest, I'm not. I'm not holding up well at all. I'm going fucking crazy without him. I never knew how much I needed him until now." He clenched his fist, "And it's pissing me off. He won't wake up, and it's frustrating." 

She nodded her head in sympathy, "It's perfectly normal to be angry, Josh. I don't know what I would feel if my wife got hurt. What I do know is that you are the sweetest person for staying by his side. I know he appreciates it." There was something very soothing and kind about her voice. It calmed him down for the second time. She was the exact opposite of Dr. Gibson. Josh nodded his head as she walked out. 

He sat there, eyes glued on Tyler, who hadn't even changed position. He glanced over to Tyler's chest, which was rhythmically rising and falling. He was only checking to make sure he was still breathing, but now it seemed like he was caught in a trance. He stared for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was only a few minutes. 

"Good afternoon, Josh." Allison walked into the room, setting her clipboard down on the table, and facing Josh. "I'm assuming Anya told you there's an update on Tyler's condition?"

"Anya?" Josh asked.

"Yes, Anya, she was just in here." Josh suddenly realized she was talking about the nurse, and nodded his head.

"Well, what's the update?"

She took a deep breath. "Josh, I don't know how to tell you this, but Tyler hasn't been responsive lately. At all. So, I'm afraid that it's unlikely that he's going to wake up." She said, keeping her eyes fixed to the ground. Josh's posture stiffened; he looked up at her, eyes wide in panic. 

"W-what? What do you mean 'hasn't been responsive lately'? What the fuck does that mean?" He stood up, and began pacing around the room with his arms crossed.

"I mean, that he hasn't responded to any test we perform on him; he's pretty much brain dead. There's no point keeping him on the machine. It's a waste of money, Josh. " She said sadly.

"No," he growled, storming up to her. "You don't get to call me that, you bitch. You don't get to use my first name, when you say utter bullshit like that, got it?" 

He began pulling on his pink locks, "'Brain dead'? Well, I don't believe it. We keep the machine on. No question." He glared at her.

"Mr. Dun, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but keeping the machine on is a bad choice financially. Not to mention-" 

"We keep. The. Fucking. Machine. On." 

She nodded her head. "Of course." 

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he punched another wall. He walked to the door, muttering, "I need a damn cigarette."

Once he left the room, Allison wrote down something on her clipboard, slightly smirking to herself.  
_____________________________________ 

Josh was standing against a brick wall, his mind racing, and a cigarette between his lips. He was thinking of Tyler, poor Tyler, who wouldn't wake up. He would never be able to hear him speak, his loving words would never reach his ears again. He would never be able to hold Tyler's hand and have it be held back; he would only hold limp, lifeless hands. He would never be able to kiss Tyler's lips; feel them warm and soft against his own. The thing that hurt the most, though, was that he would never see Tyler's eyes again. He was sure that those eyes had the most beautiful treasures inside them, and maybe, just maybe, if he gazed into them for long enough, he would be able to see them clearly. His dark eyes reminded Josh of the galaxy, beautiful and mysterious. They would be shut forever, for beautiful things are never meant to last. Josh held back tears as he walked to his car; he needed a drink. 

As Josh was driving to a bar, his mind kept going over Allison's words; God he needed to forget. If he hadn't already hated her enough, he definitely hated her now. All he knew right now was that he wanted some tequila. 

After about 10 minutes, he pulled into a sleazy looking bar. He walked inside and took note of the lack of people in it. It was 4:30, after all. He ordered a drink and stared off into space, only to be interrupted by a girl. She was rather pretty, with light brown eyes and thick black curls cascading down her back, contrasting nicely with her turquoise shirt. She was grinning at him and her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear anything. 

"What was that?" He asked, finally paying some attention to her. 

"I said, You look pretty cute, are you looking for some fun?" She said happily, looking him up and down.

Josh looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry. My boyfriend..."

She nodded quickly, "Oh, I get it!" She winked, "You got yourself a hot guy at home. You go, tiger!" 

He giggled before downing his drink, "No, it's a long story." 

"I got time, tiger" She replied, taking a seat next to him.

He ordered another round for them and started telling his story. She listened intently, consoling him when he started crying, and nearly crying herself when she heard the news that led Josh to this very place. Once they both had calmed down, they began talking about lighter topics, while getting more and more wasted. By the time it was 8:00 PM, the bar was full of people, and the pair was absolutely drunk. 

"You know-" Josh stopped, let out a chuckle, and continued. "You know what I should do?" 

"What, tiger?" She let out a growl, and they both burst into laughter. 

Josh looked up at the ceiling, "I'm gonna go say goodnight to Tyler."

"But Tyler can't say goodnight back." The girl said confusedly. "And besides, you're, like, super drunk." 

"Yeah, that doesn' mean I can't say g'dnight to 'im" He slurred, grabbing his wallet and keys, and made his way to the door. 

"Goodnight, Tiger" She called out from the other side of the room, waving goodbye.

He waved back before walking out of the bar. Once Josh had made it to his car, he began making his way back to the hospital. He had some things he wanted to say to Tyler.  
_____________________________________

Josh stumbled into Tyler's hospital room, took a seat, and looked around. The blinds were closed, and the whole room was dark, save for the lamp by Tyler's bed illuminating the chair and the bed, and leaving the rest of the room in the dark. Josh waited for a little before speaking. 

"So, you're gonna leave me alone, huh? You think you can just leave me like this. You think this is how it's supposed to end?" He leaned in closer, "Well, sunshine, that's not how this is gonna go. Here's what we're gonna do: you are going to wake up, and we are going to walk out of here hand in hand because that's what I say we do. And after that, I'm going to fuck you so hard because I miss you, Ty."

Tyler didn't respond, and Josh wasn't having it. He moved forward, so close he was speaking in Tyler's ear. "This is all your fault, you know. You just had to get up and try to make breakfast, didn't you? You just had to walk into a street, huh? For fucks sake, you even have the nerve to be fucking brain dead, right? Because that's what you do, Tyler: you make messes. Messes that I have to deal with. You're so fucking worthless to me right now." He leaned back, watching Tyler. The lack of a response triggered a wave of drunken rage. He stood up from his chair and threw it across the room. 

"Fucking say something! Do something! Anything!" Tyler's breathing pattern hadn't even faltered, and Josh stormed up to his bed. He grabbed Tyler by the shoulder and violently shook it.

"Wake the fuck up, princess, or I'll fucking pull the plug myself!" Josh was pulled away from Tyler's bed by no one other than Allison. 

"Bitch, you better back the fuck off of me." He warned, and she shook her head in disbelief. 

"You're drunk!" She exclaimed, looking him up and down.

"Yep, isn't that something?" He said, mocking her tone of voice. 

"Josh, please don't tell me you drove here," she said, eyes wide in fear. When he nodded his head, she shook hers in response. "You need to go home and cool down for a little, sweetheart."

Josh moaned slightly at the name, and she let out a small smile.  
"How about you let me drive you home, and you can get yourself cleaned up, hmm?" 

"That sounds good, sweetheart." He replied, repeating the words she just said to him. 

She let out a small laugh and took his hand, turning off the light in Tyler's room, and the two walked out hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos! Those make my day!


	7. Respect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh makes mistakes, as all people do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are! Enjoy this one!!

The only thing Josh could register as he began to stir from his sleep was the naked figure cuddled into him. His eyes were closed and he noted the pounding headache that came with a hangover. There was something different, though; a craving. He needed something, a cigarette maybe? He trailed his hands around the other person's body, trying to figure out who they were without having to open his eyes. His hands ran across their soft skin and he felt... boobs? He ran his hands across the skin again confusedly; he even went so far as to grab them. Yep, those are definitely tits. He opened his eyes and was met with fiery red hair.

"You want a round two already, Josh?" The woman smirked, turning around to face him. Her piercing blue eyes were eyeing him seductively. Shit.

Josh began to panic, he sat up, and exclaimed. "What. The. Fuck?!"

As soon as he had gotten up, his headache had become worse, and he groaned. His body was aching, he felt his fingers twitching, and it was as if his skin was on fire. His hangovers had never been this bad before. Was this because of the cigarettes? His mind raced back to the naked doctor in front of him.

"What the hell happened? Oh God, don't tell me we-" he slammed his head back onto his pillow. "Shit!"

Allison leaned over and put her head on his shoulder. "Don't freak out. Trust me, you enjoyed it, cutie. You came way more than-"

"Jesus!" He sighed, he couldn't believe he had cheated on Tyler. "Tyler, how could I do this to him? Fuck, poor Tyler." Guilt washed over him as Allison chuckled.

"Oh, come on Josh, it's not like he'll find out. That's the great thing about all this" she said, getting up to look at him.

"What the actual hell is wrong with you? He's in a coma, you heartless bitch! Christ, isn't this against some kind of code? Couldn't you get fired for this?" He said suspiciously, glaring at her. The craving for... something, only increased. He felt empty, he needed something. Had she given him anything?

"Could I get fired for fucking someone who's not a patient, what kind of question is that? Trust me, I'm not gonna fuck your insensate boy toy, kay?" She said, getting up and rummaging through her bag.

"Watch your mouth!" He exclaimed, averting his eyes from her naked form. "Christ, show a little respect, you complete cunt." He let out an exasperated sigh.

She froze, raised her eyebrows, and stalked over to him. She sat in his lap and looked him dead in the eye. "You want to talk about respect?" She lowered her voice to a husky whisper as she leaned in closer, their lips almost touching. "You tell me if 'respect' is getting drunk and yelling at a comatose patient. Is 'respect' really treating your boyfriend like that, Josh?" She smirked, "Is 'respect' going home with the doctor that operated on him? Or is it moaning her name in the bed that you two share together? You tell me. You don't get to tell me shit about 'respect', Josh. You're just as bad as me, and you know it, deep down inside. What in the actual hell is wrong with me? Really?" She scoffed. "What's wrong with you?" She stood up and walked back to her purse, pulling out a small plastic bag, and leaving Josh speechless.  
"Good morning" She smiled, tossing the bag at him.

He glanced down at it confusedly; it held a fine white powder. There weren't many guesses as to what it could be. "Is this what I think it is?" He asked.

"Yep. You had no problem doing it yesterday. Don't think I didn't notice you shaking and craving for something; you probably had no idea what, right? Do you need me to teach you again?" She asked, beckoning him over to the table.

He stood up, and walked over to her. He handed her the baggy, and she poured the contents onto the table. she grabbed a credit card from her wallet, and divided the small mountain into thin lines. She took out a dollar bill and rolled it up before handing it to Josh.

"Here, snort." She said, as he took the dollar bill hesitantly. He took a good, long look at it before bending down and trailing the dollar bill up a small line of coke. The powder went up his nose and he heard her say, "You're gonna feel like sneezing right about now. Do. Not. Fucking. Sneeze. I paid good money for this shit. Don't blow the blow." Josh winced at the feeling of the powder dripping down the back of his throat, the chemical taste acrid in his mouth. Despite those feelings, he felt damn good; amazing even. He felt refreshed, almost as if his hangover was gone. He let out a sigh, "That's fucking amazing." She took the bill and did a line herself, before getting up and getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" He asked, eyes wide and pupils dilated in pure bliss.

"I have work to do."

"But you just did coke! You're wired!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's me every fucking morning. How do you think I survive this fucking job?" She said rolling her eyes and pulling on her blouse. "Aren't you going to come see Tyler?"

"Yeah." Josh stood up and grabbed his clothes off of the floor, getting dressed alongside her. He was running his fingers through his hair when she pulled him into a kiss. His racing mind immediately wandered to Tyler, and he pulled himself away from her.

"We can't do this again. Not the sex, not the coke, nothing. Okay?" He said sternly, looking into her eyes, but a faint smile still on his face.

"Fine, I'm just glad I got to fuck you once." She smirked, grabbing his hand and leading him to her car.  
_____________________________________

The drive to the hospital was awkward and quiet, but Josh felt like everything was going at a mile a minute. His feelings of euphoria and eagerness were ebbing away. He took out his pack of cigarettes and rolled down the window.

"Do you mind?" He gestured to his lighter, she glanced over and shook her head.

"Go ahead. I didn't know you smoked." She said, eyebrows raised.

"It's something I picked up after the accident." He replied. "Reminds me of Tyler, he used to smoke these. Helps me cope, I guess." He lit his cigarette and relaxed in his seat; this was way better than coke, in his own humble opinion.

The drive was soothing, with Josh peacefully smoking his cigarette, distracting himself from the craving for more coke. Allison was softly breathing in the aroma of the tobacco, getting lost in the road ahead of her. The sun was steadily rising, and Josh was mesmerized in the changing bright pink and blazing orange sky. Allison looked over and saw Josh looking out the window, curled up in the seat, and smoking. His eyes were wide in admiration of the sunrise, and he looked absolutely adorable. She could see why Tyler chose him.

If anyone were to look into the car and see the pair, they wouldn't even begin to assume the situation they were in was so dire. They would never guess that the woman driving was a coke-addled, drug dealing doctor with a withering marriage she'd given up on trying to fix. They wouldn't even assume that the man smoking the cigarette was a heartbroken soul with a brain dead soulmate, clinging on to the last hope that some miracle would save him, and that the guilt of infidelity was slowing beginning to eat him alive.

Josh let out a shaky sigh, laid his head back against the seat as he took one final drag before throwing his cigarette out the window. He had no idea how he was going to face Tyler. He looked at Allison, who was firmly holding the steering wheel, eyes on the road. How could he sleep with her? He hated her, she always put a damper on his days. He must've been really wasted. His mind wandered back to the girl at the bar, and he felt slightly guilty that he hadn't caught her name. He hoped she had gotten home okay.

Suddenly, he remembered everything he had said to Tyler the night before, and the guilt was beginning to become too much for him. Allison parked her car at the hospital and helped Josh out of his seat, not saying a single word to him. He walked ahead of her and rushed into Tyler's room. Tyler was being propped up against a pillow by Anya, who waved at Josh as soon as he walked in.

"You just missed it, Josh! You must be so excited!" She exclaimed, hooking up the IV back into Tyler's hand.

"Missed what?" He said, sniffling. What could be so exciting about Tyler at the moment?

"Tyler starting to wake up! Didn't Doctor Gibson tell you? Well, waking up from a coma does take a while, due to the brain trauma, but he's showing signs of consciousness! After only a week too, which is a very good sign, considering his injur-"

"Wait." Josh paused, thinking of all the possible ways he could respond to this, but his brain could only answer with, "What?"

She gave him a confused look, and he continued.

"Doctor Gibson told me he wouldn't wake up." He said, sitting down and eyeing Tyler.

"What? Oh God, no!" She let out a breathless laugh. "She must've had her patient charts mixed up!" She noticed Josh's distress, and bent down in front of him. "You must've been so scared, Josh. I'm sorry that happened." She smiled sadly, "He's gonna be okay, don't worry." She pulled him into a tight hug.  
"Everything's going to be fine, I promise."

As she was hugging him, Josh started to piece together all the bits of information. His grief and guilt had only become consumed by anger; pure, unadulterated anger.

That redheaded bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments and kudos!


	8. Blackmail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets a warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! Here's a new chapter! This one focuses a lot more on the blossoming and new dynamic between Josh and Allison. 
> 
> Enjoy!!

Josh stormed down the hallway, peering into each room, looking for Allison. His fists were clenched, and he was trying to keep himself from punching the walls. He glanced into the last room on the left side of the hall and saw her, standing in front of two men and a women in a hospital bed. He took a deep breath and stood against the doorway.

"Dr. Gibson?" He asked loudly, causing her to yelp, she turned around, realized it was Josh, and gave him a friendly smile. If only she knew what was coming, Josh thought to himself. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Hi, Mr. Dun. Let me just go over a few things with these patients, and I'll be with you in, say, five minutes? You can wait in Mr. Joseph's room, though." 

Josh gritted his teeth, and inhaled sharply. "I'll wait, then." He smiled a fake smile, moved away from the doorway, and closed the door. 

He didn't wait in Tyler's room, though. He stood right outside the room she was in, foot tapping due to his sheer inability to stand still at the moment. He was so unbelievably angry; what kind of sick person would do such a thing? His anger was only made worse by the irritability caused by his withdrawal. How could he let himself be so naïve, so idiotic? He was close to breaking down in anger when she stepped out of the room. 

"Hey! What's up? You already want more?" She asked, winking at him. 

"Can we talk somewhere private, Dr. Gibson?" He asked as calmly as he could, not wanting to make a scene.

"Sure, but call me Allison! We've moved way past formal." She ushered him into another empty room, closing the door on them. She nearly pounced onto him, pulling his lips onto hers and kissing passionately. He was completely taken aback by this, and he pushed her off quickly. "Come on now Josh, don't tease me. Why else would you want a room? Let me take care of you." She said in a sultry voice, snaking her hand down his pants. He grabbed her hand and moved it away. 

"I know." He said matter-of-factly. 

"Know what?" She inquired, taking a step back; she had a slight smirk on her face, but her eyes were full of concern.

"I know," Josh paused, "about how you lied. About how you tore my heart into pieces, only to play the part as my savior and try to fix it. To what? Get in my pants? I mean, who does that? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?" He began pacing around the room, pulling at his hair. "He's waking up! And now I have to deal with the consequences of cheating on him!" He stopped and looked at her. "Well? Aren't you gonna fucking say anything, bitch?" He was yelling now, his voiced strained and full of rage.

"Josh, I'm warning you right now, don't test me. You should just calm down and leave, okay? Pretend this never happened." This seemed to make him angrier. He walked up to her, and grabbed her jaw, forcing her to look up at him. 

"Oh, don't test you? Well, this is me testing you, Allison. I can report you, you know. I'll tell them everything. I'll tell them about the lying, the drugs; Hell, I'll even tell them about you sticking your hand down my pants. So, if you test me, your career is done for." He said in a malicious tone, one he had never given before. She looked him directly in the eyes; her blue eyes giving no sign of fear; in fact, she looked amused. Allison was moving fast before Josh could even realize it. She twisted his arm, and slammed him against a wall so that his back was facing her. Her face was so close to his ear that it sent chills down his spine. She let out a giggle before responding. 

"Oh, Josh. You're so tough now, aren't you? Well, I told you not to test-"

"Fuck you" he interrupted, and she grabbed the back of his skull and slammed his head forward against the wall. He let out a pained whimper before she continued. 

"Don't interrupt, bitch. Now, where was I? You think you can report me? Well, I got news for you. Trust me, your pretty little mouth wouldn't have said that if you knew how the Medical Board worked. Here's what's gonna happen if you 'report me'; they'll start an investigation, for sure. But the great thing about that is I'll still be at work until they gather enough evidence to suspend me. And you can bet your ass that I'll pay a little visit to your adorable boyfriend. Who knows? Maybe I'll even slip something into his IV."

"You wouldn't." He said, shocked. She slammed his head against the wall once more.

"You wanna bet? You want to test me again? I'll kill him and make it look like you did, if I wanted to. Can you just imagine that headline? And if I don't kill him, I'll tell him everything. About how you cheated, how you became a coke addict, everything. So, if you're so adamant on reporting me, Joshua, by all means do it. My question is this; do you want a dead boyfriend? Or would you rather be dumped and abandoned by him and always know he resents you. Either way you'll end up alone, just the way I want it." She let out an exasperated sigh. "I really didn't want you to see this side of me, Josh." She let him go, and he slumped down against the wall. Allison went to go leave the room, when she said, "I'll see you later, cutie." 

The moment she closed the door, Josh erupted into shaky sobs. All he wanted was his normal life back. Was that too much to ask? Gibson had come in like a tornado and ripped the foundations of everything in his life, yet he somehow still found her appealing? He still loved Tyler, but there was something so attractive about her, and the guilt was eating him alive.   
He knew he had to stay quiet now. He had to put his pride aside and focus on Tyler's recovery.   
_____________________________________

He walked back into his room, where Anya was carefully shining her penlight in Tyler's eyes. Josh was taken out of his train of thought as he saw Tyler's eyes, which were open. He nearly ran over to Tyler and gazed into his eyes. He never thought he would be able to gaze into the beautiful brown pools again. They were so different to the cold, blue eyes he had to look into before. 

Tyler's gaze was unfocused, and he was staring out into space. The tube was still in his mouth, and his fingers were slightly twitching.

"Look, Josh! He's starting to wake up!" Anya said, pointing to Tyler excitedly. 

"Why won't you get rid of the tube? And why are his eyes like that?" Josh asked anxiously. 

"He still can't properly breathe on his own, but hopefully we can wean him off of the ventilator sooner or later. His eyes are very disoriented, because of all the medication." She turned off the penlight and was getting ready to leave the room.   
"Call me or Dr. Gibson if anything changes. Take care, Josh!" 

He held Tyler's hand and nearly cried when he felt Tyler squeeze back. It was a very weak squeeze, and Josh nearly missed it, but it was a squeeze nonetheless. He was so relieved and happy. He couldn't wait for them to be back to normal.

But everything was far from normal, and the only thing that Josh knew was that he needed some blow, and he needed some now. His mind was telling him to go apologize and beg for some cocaine, but Josh wasn't too sure she would hook him up. He decided it was worth a shot anyway, and he left to go find Allison. It was when he took a few steps out the door when he saw her. She looked at him and smiled, as if nothing had happened earlier. He gave her a small grin before whispering, "Can I have some more?"

She grinned, nodded her head, and beckoned him into a supply closet and did a few lines with him.

It was then that Josh, high on cocaine, realized that it wouldn't be the end of the world if he had Allison to keep him company.


	9. Lipstick-flavored Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh remembers his awkward first date with Tyler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some awkward fluff because I needed to write it  
> I hope this long chapter makes up for the delay!!!
> 
> Enjoy!

The situation in the storage closet ended in Josh and Allison naked in the storage room, breathing heavily as they put their clothes back on. Josh admired her figure as she slipped her shirt on, before he looked away in embarrassment; it wasn't right of him to look at her like that.

He noticed that her white coat was still on the floor. He glanced up and saw her back was turned to him; he let out a nervous breath. He slowly picked up the jacket and sneaked his hand into the pocket, grasping the bag he was looking for. He shoved the drug into his pocket and threw the jacket onto the floor.

She turned around, picked up the coat, and whispered, "You can leave a few minutes after me, okay? Don't forget about our little conversation, okay?" She carefully opened the door, and slipped out.

Josh waited patiently until it had felt like a while. He mimicked her movements, carefully opening the door and nonchalantly walked out into the thankfully empty hallway. He walked back to Tyler's room, where he saw Dr. Gibson fiddling with Tyler's IV. His heart nearly dropped, and he rushed by his side and looked at her with a scared expression. 

"God, Josh. I didn't do anything. Calm down. I just fixed the placement and replaced the bag. I'm not that horrible." She scoffed and raised her eyebrows.

"Well, you could've fooled me. That whole disaster in that room scared me and all." He shuddered and took a seat beside Tyler, kissing his knuckles before grasping his hand. Allison glanced down, and quickly looked away. Josh could've sworn he saw a look of disappointment in her eyes. 

"I'll leave you two alone, I suppose. Call me if he's conscious again. We'll take him off the breathing tube. He'll be ready then." She said dejectedly. She quickly walked out of the room, and Josh felt a little happy; she should know exactly who he belongs to. She's nothing but a good fuck to him; Tyler was his everything. That was one thing he had over her; he didn't get attached so quickly. The only person he had fallen for quickly was laying right in front of him. Josh smiled to himself as he remembered their first date. It was such a disaster.

*********3 years earlier***********

Josh groaned in frustration as he looked in the mirror. He couldn't get his hair to stay down. He had tried almost everything; hairspray, blowdrying, flat ironing, he even tried to drown it in mousse, but it somehow made it look worse. He couldn't just throw on a beanie and leave; he had invited Tyler to a restaurant. A nice restaurant, at that; Josh had saved up for weeks to afford a reservation for two. It was so worth it for Tyler.

Josh put down the hair brush and walked into the bathroom to wash his hair again. It was unfair, in his opinion, that his hair had decided today was the day it wouldn't cooperate with him. He let the water run down his hair as he ran his fingers through his scalp, getting all the products he used out of his hair. His mind wandered to how perfect Tyler's hair always was. What kind if products did he use? Josh turned off the water and began drying his hair with a towel. He hoped that this time around, his hair would stay down. 

He walked into his closet to try and look for a nice suit to wear. After sorting through what felt like hundreds of shirts, he found a clean, white dress shirt, dress pants, and a sports jacket. He was searching through his ties when he started freaking out. What tie matched with a grey suit? He spent 15 minutes trying to find a nice tie, before deciding on a turquoise tie. He put his suit on and looked in the mirror when he noticed two things. 

1\. His fading red hair totally clashed with his tie.  
2\. Said hair was an absolutely frizzy mess.

He felt like crying; the one day he cared about his appearance was the day he looked like hell, no matter what he did. He rushed back to his closet and grabbed a red tie that matched with his hair a lot better than the turquoise. He then began trying to run his fingers through his hair, but he was unable to tame the mess atop his head.  
He let out a defeated sigh as he put on his shoes, made his way into the kitchen, picked up the bouquet of flowers he had bought for Tyler, and walked to his car. He sent a text to Tyler telling him he's on his way, and drove to Tyler's apartment. 

The drive over there was probably the most nervous Josh had ever been; he was not ready for this date. This is the date he's never going to forget. He prayed that he wouldn't screw anything up as he pulled into the visitor parking lot. His hands were shaking as he made his way up the stairs, and his mind was screaming at him to run back to the car as he knocked on the door to the apartment. 

It was a few moments before he heard a distant, "It's open!". He let out a shaky breath as he opened the door to the apartment.

"Tyler?" He called out.

"Hi! Just gimme a few minutes, I have to get dressed! You can hang out in the living room though." He heard Tyler say from the room next to him. Josh walked into Tyler's living room and looked around.

It was beautifully elegant, to say the least. The simplistic brown leather couch had a blue blanket draped over it, which worked amazingly well with the beige curtains. The accessories were classy and modern, and Josh's breath was taken away. He took a seat and heard Tyler ask, "How formal should my clothes be?" 

"I'm wearing a suit, so you can try to coordinate with that." Josh called out, heat rising in his face as he imagined Tyler wearing little to no clothes in the room next to him. Now was not the time. He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his mind when he saw Tyler walking out of the room, fully dressed, and Josh immediately blushed and gave him the flowers, mumbling, "These are for you". 

Tyler had a surprised look on his face before grinning and blushing even harder than Josh. "Wow, these- these are really- like really beautiful. Thank you so much." Tyler stammered, clearly at a loss for words at this thoughtful gesture. Josh thought that Tyler being flustered was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. 

Tyler looked up and saw the nest of damp hair laying on Josh's head. He started giggling, and if Josh weren't so embarrassed, he would've kissed him right there. So much for a good first impression.

"Wow, do you want me to fix that for you? I have all the stuff, it's the least I could do." Josh quickly nodded his head as Tyler walked back into his room and pulled out a comb and a bottle of gel. 

"Wow, Tyler, is that lube? On the first date?" He joked before mentally facepalming himself; really? 

Tyler let out a fake giggle before looking almost mortified as he stood behind Josh, combing his unkempt hair. Josh wanted to curl into a ball and die; how could he be so cringey? He just had to make an innuendo, and a bad one at that. It made no sense. Now he probably thought Josh was a pervy creep who wanted to get into his pants. 

Tyler began running his fingers through Josh's hair, coating it in gel. "I love the color of your hair." He said in an attempt to change the conversation. "Where do you find the hair dye?" 

This created the perfect opportunity to bounce back as he began talking about all the best hair dyes, and his run ins with horrible hair dye. Tyler looked down at him and listened with a look of admiration. 

"What time is the reservation?" Tyler asked as soon as Josh concluded his little rant.

"7:35. It's pretty far away, so we should get going. It'll take like 40 minutes to get there." Josh replied, getting up off of the couch.

"Josh?" 

"Yeah, what's up?"

"It's 7:15" 

Josh nearly jumped, "Shit!". He grabbed Tyler's hand and rushed out of the apartment, and Tyler was laughing the whole way to the car. As soon as they both entered the car, Josh quickly made his way out of the parking lot, and let out a string of curses. Tyler was still giggling, and Josh was beginning to crack a smile himself. Maybe this date started out as a disaster, but he still had high hopes for dinner.  
_____________________________________

"I'm sorry Mr. Dun. You missed your reservation, so you're going to have to wait for a table." The young hostess said, looking down at her computer.

Josh sighed and looked over at Tyler, who was still sporting a small smile. How could he be okay with this mess of a first date? "Ok, then. How long is the wait?" 

"Give us 35-45 minutes to get you two seated." She said, handing them the restaurant pager and ushered them to a waiting area.

"God, Tyler. I'm sorry this has been such a mess so far." Josh said, looking down on the floor and shaking his head. Tyler sat down next to Josh and placed a comforting hand on his thigh. 

"I'm having an amazing time, Josh. I can tell you put a lot of planning into tonight, and I think that's really cute." He said, resting his head on Josh's shoulder. 

"You're really cute." mumbled Josh, and Tyler looked at him bashfully before murmuring a response.

"You think I-I'm cute? Oh my God, you're way cuter-" Tyler's eyes widened as he realized what he just said, and he went even more red.

Josh laughed and pressed his lips to Tyler's cheek. They spent about a half an hour talking, getting to know each other better, and occasionally flirting. After that, the table was ready and they were both seated.

They were looking through their respective menus when Josh realized just how hot Tyler looked tonight. His hair was the best it had ever looked, his suit was immaculate, and the look of interest mixed with hunger was mesmerizing to Josh. Tyler looked up and saw Josh intently staring at him. Josh wanted to cry when he saw how uncomfortable Tyler looked as he looked back down at his menu. He definitely didn't mean to look for that long. He was coming off as a total creep, and Josh knew it. 

It wasn't until after the waiter took their orders and their appetizers arrived that Tyler spoke up. 

"The food's really good, right?" He said, taking a bite of his food.

"Yeah, that's why I brought you here." He joked, but his tone had come out as rude and indifferent. He had meant it to sound playful, but the slightly hurt look on Tyler's face had told him it was anything but. 

"Oh God! I did not mean for it to come out that way. I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, shaking his head. 

Tyler smiled and let out a sigh, "You had me scared for a second, Josh. I almost thought you didn't want to be on this date with me." 

The conversation had become a lot easier, now that they were both getting to understand each others' humor and quirks. The dinner had become a lot more enjoyable for the two parties. Until halfway through the main course, that is.

"How's your steak?" Josh asks between giggles at the joke Tyler had made at the expense of the waiter. 

Tyler grinned as he took a large bite. He began stifling his laughter as he chewed, and it wasn't long before he started coughing up the steak while laughing and sniffling.

"Oh my God- are you okay, Tyler?" Josh asked anxiously. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gasped out between sips of wine. "I just choked, I guess" He let out another short laugh.

"Wow, I'm a little disappointed, Tyler. I thought you could handle taking a piece of meat that big. How are you gonna take mine?" He said smoothly. 

He hadn't really known why he had said that. He noticed Tyler's reaction at jokes much more tame than that, and he felt horrible for saying it now. Tyler nearly choked for a second time. His face turned red yet again as he looked at Josh shockingly. He let out a nervous cough as Josh began stuttering out an apology. Josh couldn't believe that he had blown a date with his dream man. He put his head down in shame, and when he looked up, he saw that Tyler was still very red.

"Umm... I don't really know why I said that." He mumbled, loosening his tie slightly.

Tyler replied just as timidly, "That's fine, I guess. Don't worry about it."

"No, it's not, Tyler. I should've known it made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry." He apologized once more.

Tyler smirked at him, "I need to start keeping a tally for how many times you've apologized on this date." 

Josh winced slightly, "I guess I deserved that one, huh?" 

"Yeah, a little."  
_____________________________________

The car ride back to Tyler's apartment was silent, and Josh was mentally yelling at himself to say something, but no matter how times he tried, he simply couldn't. Tyler was quietly humming to himself, admiring the night sky, before speaking up.

"Can I smoke in the car? I've been dying for a cigarette all evening."

Josh looked over at Tyler and replied; "I don't have a problem with it."

That was a lie; he couldn't stand the smell of cigarettes. He had already made Tyler uncomfortable enough, the least he could do was let the man smoke a cigarette. 

Josh was ready to vomit from the smell by the time he pulled into Tyler's apartment complex. How could anyone deal with that smell?

"Thanks for the ride, Josh." Tyler got out of the car, "and the dinner of course!" 

He walked for a few seconds as Josh began pulling out of the parking spot, and Tyler ran back to the car, approaching Josh's window.

"Wait! I almost forgot. I would love to do this again; another date I mean."

Josh stared at Tyler; how lucky did Josh have to be to get another shot?

He gulped, "Yeah, I would love to, too."

Tyler giggled, and to Josh, it sounded better than music. "Next time, lets go somewhere less... formal." He said, looking down at Josh's lips.

In the end, it was Josh who made the first move, pressing his lips lightly against Tyler's. He let out a thousand prayers of thanks as he felt Tyler kiss him back, the faint taste of cigarettes and wine reaching his tongue. Tyler pulled back, biting his lip, before saying, "Good night, Josh"

"G'night Tyler." Josh winked at him. 

*********************************

It was a few hours later when he looked over at his boyfriend, whose eyes were fluttering open once again. He was fading in and out of consciousness for the better part of a few hours, and Josh felt like a major weight had been taken off of his chest. Rather than stare blankly at the wall, Tyler's eyes were quickly darting around the room, until his eyes met Josh's. Tears started welling up in Josh's eyes, and started holding back sobs. Tyler stared into Josh's tearful eyes, and his eyes filled up with his own tears. Josh lost it at that moment, tears began flowing down his face.

"Oh Ty, I missed you so much." He said in between sobs. Tyler lightly squeezed his hand and Josh kissed the top of his head. "I didn't think you were going to wake up. Oh my God, baby I love you" He said pressing his forehead against Tyler's. He went and pressed the button on the remote, waiting for Allison to come back in. 

It had taken a few moments for her to come back in with the supplies to take out his breathing tube.

"You might want to turn around for this, Mr. Dun." She said while inspecting Tyler. Josh quickly turned his back to the two. He closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. He could her the plastic tube being shifted and heard Tyler gag a few times, which completely broke Josh. After a few more moments of indistinct rustling, he heard Allison say, "All right, Josh, you can look now." She hustled out of the room and Josh laid his eyes on Tyler, who now had oxygen tubed in his nostrils, rather than a ventilator. 

 

In the end, Josh made the first move for the second time. He pressed his lips on Tyler's even lighter than he did the first time.  
Tyler let out a tiny gasp and lightly moved his lips against Josh's.

Except this time, Josh had the cigarettes on his lips. Cigarettes and another woman's lipstick.

And Tyler tasted both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I have a weird obsession with cigarettes? Maybe it's an important part of the story.... or not.


	10. The Storage Closet Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is awake, and Josh fucks up big time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!!

The first thing Tyler noticed about Josh was the taste of his lips. He immediately knew Josh was smoking. He missed that taste; It had about 2 years since he had smoked. The second taste was one he knew was there, but could not identify. He assumed Josh had eaten something sweet.

Josh's lips were light and gentle against his, and when he pulled away, he pressed a loving kiss to Tyler's forehead. Shortly after, the tall, red-headed doctor came back in as soon as he was thrown into a fit of coughing and gasping. She walked over to his side and quickly sat him up.

"Good to see you up and running, Mr. Joseph. I'm Dr. Gibson, I've been taking care of you. Are you aware of where you are and what happened?"

Tyler shook his head very slightly, as it was painful to do anything but stay still.

"Well, you're in a hospital. You were involved in a car accident. Do you remember that?"

Tyler shook his head yet again, and saw Josh wiping away silent tears in the corner of his eyes.

"Tyler, on Saturday, November 12th, you were hit by a car. You suffered from severe head trauma, a fractured skull, and a broken wrist. You were comatose for 9 days. You may have some more injuries, but now that you are conscious, we can do some more tests." She finished, looking at Tyler with concern, and slight disdain.

"Baby, I was so worried about you. I didn't think you were going to make it." Josh said between sobs, looking up at Dr. Gibson and glaring at her. She smirked slightly before continuing.

"Well, I believe Anya will be coming in to do some tests on you to make sure everything is working properly. I'll schedule an MRI for you, just so we can see exactly what's going on." She walked out of the room, and Tyler closed his eyes tightly. Everything was thrown at him all at once, and he wasn't sure how he was going to cope. He felt Josh holding his hand, and he squeezed back. Josh was the only thing keeping him from screaming.

"Don't freak out, Ty. Please, everything is going to be okay, I'm right here." Josh pleaded, voice breaking, and tears threatening to spill again.

"J-Josh" His voice was wrecked and hoarse. "I love y-you."

Josh broke down, sobbing violently. Tyler had his own tears in his eyes, spilling out quietly. Josh was calming down, mumbling apologies between his sniffles and hiccups. Tyler wasn't too sure why he was apologizing, but his thoughts were interrupted by a short, tan nurse with brown hair walking into the room. He assumed she was Anya.

"Hello, my name is Anya. Alright, Mr. Joseph, I'm just going to do a few simple tests. Just to make sure everything's okay." She took a seat by his bed and held up a penlight, shining it in his eyes. "Follow the light with your eyes, but don't move your head." He moved his eyes left and right, with the light. The light was too bright, and it gave Tyler a headache, but he kept going.

"Very good. Now I'm going to put some headphones on you." She handed him a clicker. "Now, every time you hear a noise, I want you to press the button." She turned on the machine and placed the headphones on Tyler.

It was a rather simple process, but it dragged out for a while, in Tyler's opinion. At least he knew he could hear properly. But that unfortunately meant that he heard everything the red-headed doctor said correctly. What was her name again?

He was in a coma for 9 days. What the hell had happened to him to get him into a coma? Hadn't she said it earlier?

Tyler was trying to remember what the red-headed doctor had said as tan nurse removed his headphones, and took the clicker from his hand.

"Tyler, are you able to hear what I'm saying right now?" She said, a look of slight concern on her face.

He nodded his head very slowly, wincing as the pain in his head got worse. She raised her eyebrows before continuing.

"Alright. Now we are going to do some speech exercises. Tell me your name, please."

"My name is Tyler Joseph." He said, voice slightly hoarse.

"Tyler, can you tell me who the man next to you is?"

"That's Josh Dun. He's my boyfriend." Tyler answered , a small smile on his face.

"You two make a lovely couple, by the way. Josh was very worried about you." She smiled at the two of them before continuing. "Now, Tyler, can you tell me how you got here?"

Tyler swallowed, "I-I was in a coma, right?"

She nodded her head, "Yes, but what happened before then, can you remember?"

He looked at the dark T.V screen before trying to answer. "Um- I can't- I can't remember, I'm sorry." He held back tears; why couldn't he remember?

"Tyler, it's perfectly alright. You don't need to apologize. Do you remember my name?"

He looked into her eyes. She had a lovely kindness to her, something Tyler saw in Josh. She looked back into his eyes encouragingly, and the guilt was too much when he realized he had no idea what her name was. What was her fucking _name_? The tears began spilling out of his eyes as he responded.

"I don't k-know. I'm so s-sorry. Fuck, what's your name?" He sobbed, chest heaving as he breathed labored breaths. Anya shook her head and continued.

"Please don't apologize, okay? My name is Anya, okay? See, no harm done, Tyler. It's alright." She let out a sigh as she gently held Tyler's arm. She continued, "Tyler, I want you to move around for me. Can you do that?"

He shook his head as he stopped sobbing, "No, I want to sleep. Please."

"I promise you it's only this test and one more. Just give me five minutes, and then you can sleep." She bargained, and Tyler slowly nodded his head, sniffling.

"Thank you, Tyler. Now, hold up your right arm, and hold it directly in front of you. Make sure you keep it there."

Tyler lifted his right hand. He put it out in front of him, or at least he tried to. It had gone directly in front of him, but it didn't stay there. His arm was shaking as it was drifting to the side little by little.

"Tyler, try and keep it directly in front of you if you can."

"I am trying, though"

His left arm yielded the same results. Anya didn't leave any hints that it was a problem, but he assumed it wasn't a good thing. He was near tears once again by the time Anya asked him to stand up. He looked over at Josh, who had his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as gasps for breath escaped his lips. He took Anya's hands as he slid out of the bed. His legs were shaking as she guided him to take his first step. By the time he placed his foot on the ground, his leg gave out and he put all of his weight on Anya, who was surprisingly sturdy, considering her height.

"Alright, Tyler. That's okay. We can try again tomorrow." She helped him back into the bed, and looked over to Josh, who was looking at Tyler sadly.

"Josh, a word outside, please?" She said, leading him outside and shutting the door.

Great, now Josh is going to know how fucked up he is. He laid his head back against the pillow and let out a groan.

How could this happen to him?

_____________________________________

"Josh, the things I am about to say may not be easy to hear."

Josh let out a sigh, "Nothing has been easy so far, just add this to the list. I'll cope later."

She looked at him with a sad smile before continuing.

"Well, I'm going to go over each test with you. First, the vision test went very well, he was very successful in following the light. However, the hearing test didn't go too well. It was evident that he was hearing the sounds, which is a good sign. But, he wasn't clicking the button, even though it was clear he thought he was. This and the last two tests showed that he has impaired motor skills. The speech test went well in terms of his speaking. He still has a very good grasp on his language skills. What didn't go well was the fact that he is showing signs of damage to his temporal lobe. This basically means he may be incapable of retaining information on a short term basis. There's no way we can know for sure until after the MRI." She finished, beginning to go inside to explain things to Tyler.

All Josh knew in that moment was that he needed to relax. What better way to do that than the blow he stole from Allison?

He just wanted to forget everything he had just experienced, so he snuck into the storage closet he and Allison had been in before and unwinded as he took the small bag and his wallet out.

He mimicked Allison's movements from that very morning, dividing up the small pile with his debit card, and rolling up a dollar bill and inhaling the powder deeply. He let it overpower his senses, feeling pure bliss until he could barely remember where he was.

He was about to finish up the small bag when he heard the door creek open.

"You fucking piece of shit." Allison picked him up and rammed him against the wall. "You think you can just steal my shit and I wouldn't fucking notice? You're going to fucking pay for this, one way or another."

She let him go, and he began apologizing.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, man. I just needed more, I swear. What can I do to repay you? How much did it cost? I'll pay you back, I swear." He was speaking quickly, tumbling over his words, as he tugged on his fading pink hair. His pupils were blown as he stared at Allison.

"God, you are so fucking stupid, aren't you?" She shook her head, and grabbed his hair and dragged him to the door, before nearly yelling in his ear, "I don't want your fucking junkie money. Here's what's going to happen, Josh, you are gonna pay me back in two ways," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "You're going to fuck me whenever I say, and you are going to help me deal."

He shook his head, "I don't know how to deal. Who am I supposed to deal it to?"

She smiled, "I know your address, silly. Besides, you aren't going to deal it to anyone. All you have to do is keep one shipment in the apartment. I've seen it, it's pretty big. I'll come by, and pick it up a little at a time. When you have no more in the house, you don't owe me anything. Fair deal, considering you stole my coke."

She threw open the door and shoved him out of the closet. He made his way back to Tyler's room, and a single thought was repeating over and over in his head.

He just got himself into some _deep shit._


	11. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler slowly but surely tries to adjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, it's been like 3 weeks. I'm so sorry! I had finals, but the semester is finally over for me, so I should have some more frequent updates!!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy!!! I love writing this, as much as I hope you guys like reading it!!

When Josh walked back into the room, Tyler saw the look of fear and panic on his face.

"Everything okay, Josh?" He asked nervously.

Josh stammered, "Um, yeah baby. I'm alright." He sat down, wiping his clammy hands onto his jeans. "How do you feel?" He asked, seeing Tyler's slightly pained expression.

Tyler shook his head, "Not that great, if I'm being honest. This is all just so..." he paused, trying to find the word.

"Overwhelming?" Josh asked, and Tyler nodded his head. Josh leaned forward and kissed Tyler's forehead, before being pushed away by Tyler.

"Are you smoking?" He asked, hand on Josh's chest. He was subconsciously running his hand up and down comfortingly. "You smell like cigarettes."

"Do I?" He mumbled nervously, moving away from Tyler.

"Yeah, you do. So either you're fucking someone else who smokes, or you're smoking." He frowned, "and I know which one it is. Don't play dumb with me."

Josh let out a nervous chuckle, "Yeah, I'm smoking." He looked into Tyler's eyes and saw that he looked a little pissed.

"Then why did you make me quit a few years back?" He asked, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the pillow. "If you would've just started doing it, too."

"Hold on, I never made you quit. I only told you that you should! You did that on your own."

"Yeah, because you wouldn't fucking come near me whenever I smoked! Jesus Christ, Josh, you stopped kissing me! So, of course I took the damn hint!" Tyler shot back, sitting up to face Josh.

"Well excuse me for caring about you, then. I didn't realize you'd be such a pussy about it. Calm the fuck down, you just woke up. Maybe I wouldn't have started if you hadn't been so  
fucking reckless." He said quickly, and Tyler's hurt expression quickly changed into one of sarcastic amusement.

"What a great fucking welcome back, Josh. Thank you so much." He laid back down, before turning his back to Josh and going to sleep.

Josh hesitated before letting out a sigh. "Ty, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It wasn't your fault."

There wasn't a response, and Josh groaned. "C'mon baby. Don't be like that. You know I would never mean that."

Tyler simply wasn't answering, and it was beginning to worry Josh. What if something happened to him? He quickly walked to the other side of the bed, and saw Tyler, eyes closed, jaw slightly slack, and breathing evenly. He must've actually fallen asleep, and Josh looked at him adoringly. He was such a cute sleeper, and it was only a matter of time before he started snoring.

Josh smiled as he moved his chair to the other side. He knew it probably seemed creepy to watch Tyler sleep, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to make sure Tyler was okay.

As Tyler slept, putting all of his worries aside for a few hours, Josh was lingering on what Allison had said. He was way too high for this. It was one thing doing drugs, but keeping them in his apartment? That was too far. But it wasn't like he could just go back apologize to her, and ask her to change her mind. He knew that she would never give him another chance. The only thing he decided he could do was listen to her and pray he can put all of this behind him before Tyler finds out.

_____________________________________

  
Tyler opened his eyes and saw Josh slouched on the chair, snoring softly, with his hand right next to Tyler's on the bed. He softly smiled before the aching pain in his head began pulsating. He winced and tightly shut his eyes.

He barely heard the two knocks at the slightly ajar door, and he opened his eyes and saw that doctor from the night before.

"Good morning." She gave him a sincere smile as she walked up to him with a wheelchair with her. He noticed that her smile quickly faded as she saw Josh's hand next to his. She looked at Tyler. "So, we're going to take you to your MRI as soon as possible. I understand that you're not ready to walk just yet, so we have a wheelchair ready for you."

"Do you know when I might be able to walk again?" He asked softly, looking into her ice blue eyes.

She shook her head, "Not just yet, but the MRI should be able to give us some insight on what's going on. The fact that you can't walk could be contributed to either damage to your brain stem, or you have lesions in your cerebellum. It's most likely the latter, and the damage is more easily reversed." She sighed, "Tyler, I'm not going to tell you this is going to be easy, because it will be difficult, and it will take a lot of work. But with determination and sheer willpower, I believe that you can pull through." She smiled at him, but it was the kind of smile that was full of pity, which made Tyler feel nervous.

"Um... Thank you. For looking after me." He stammered as she began helping him out of bed and into the wheelchair.

"Oh, please don't thank me. Seriously." She laughed, turning around to face Josh. "Do you want to wake him up?"

"No, just let him sleep. He probably needs it more than I do at this point." He chuckled before his expression became more solemn. "How long is this gonna take?"

She thought for a moment. "It shouldn't take more than an hour."

In Tyler's own humble opinion, the MRI was one of the worst things he had ever done. Firstly, he wasn't allowed to move. At all. Which was hard, considering he was a very fidgety person. The machine was loud and annoying. They tried to put some classical music on as if it would block out the machine. In reality, the machine blocked out the music; he was lucky if he was able to hear one second of a cello over the clanging and whirring of the machine. Oh- and his head was ready to split. It felt like the ache had gone from bad to worse. The back of his head felt as though it was pulsating, the pain radiating all the way to the front of his head. It took nearly all of his willpower to not scream in agony.

It was all slowly becoming too overwhelming, and he had tried to sleep, but the damn machine was not letting up; the damn whirring wasn't stopping. He was laying there with the same thought repeating over and over; when is this done?

After what felt like an eternity, it was finally over. He let out a sigh of relief as the red headed doctor pushed him out of the room, and leading him back to his room, where Josh was beginning to stir.

Josh let out a groan as he stretched, getting up and planting a kiss to the top of Tyler's head. "Good morning." He grumbled, as he helped Tyler into the bed himself, carrying him bridal style as Tyler let out an amused giggle, kissing Josh on the cheek

Allison was glaring at the couple before she stalked off, mumbling something about other patients. Tyler cringed as he asked Josh, "Jesus, what's her deal? She looked ready to attack us just then. And this morning, she saw your hand next to mine, and she looked really depressed."

Josh shook his head quickly, "I have no idea, but I've never liked her. She probably just went through a breakup or something." His mouth was moving faster than his brain could process, and his words came out a jumbled mess.

Tyler laughed, "Whoa, slow down, dude! What did you even say?"

Josh let out a shaky giggle, and Tyler squinted at him, "Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. "Is this about yesterday? Because I was making a big deal out of things. I really don't care, if it makes you happy, then I don't have a problem."

Josh went along with him, nodding his head, "Thank you, Ty. I'm sorry, too. I was way out of line. I shouldn't have said those things to you."

"To be completely honest, I don't really remember what you said to me. All I know is that I was pissed." He said softly while looking down, suddenly becoming more interested in his hands.

Josh looked at Tyler intently, before Tyler glanced up, eyes hardening as he continued. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

He sneered. "Like I'm some poor little thing. Like I'm something to pity." He scoffed. "I got myself into this, and I'll deal with it."

Josh rubbed at his eyes, "I never meant to make you feel that way. Shit, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Just don't look at me like I'm helpless. So what? I can't remember shit. I'm still an adult."

Josh smiled at Tyler. "Yeah, but you're still my baby."

Tyler laughed. "Wow, way to be serious!" He let out another angelic giggle.

As they spent the next few hours together, Josh was rationalizing how he could get away with this. As long as he wasn't stupid enough to let something slip in front of Tyler, he would be safe. Besides, even if he did let something slip, Tyler would probably forget it.

As long as Tyler would forget short term memories for the next few weeks, he would be safe. He just had to be discreet. I can get away with this, he smiled as he thought to himself.  
_____________________________________

Allison walked into the room a few hours later, only to be surprised by the couple passionately kissing. Tyler's arms were draped around Josh's shoulders, and Josh was sitting on the bed holding Tyler closely. Their lips were synchronized, moving against each other perfectly, with a slight smile on Tyler's lips. Josh was moaning softly into Tyler's mouth, but it was loud enough for Allison to hear it. She felt a pang of jealousy, and cleared her throat as the two men moved away from each other.

She noticed that Tyler was blushing profusely, slightly giggling as he stared smugly at her. God, she hated him. She knew there was no reason for her to hate him; if anything Tyler should hate her, but there was something about him that just angered her. She had decided that it was probably because he was the reason she had to fuck Josh in secret, he was the reason that Josh wouldn't commit to her. Then again, it wasn't like she wasn't cheating on her own partner; she was married. Unhappily, but married nonetheless.

"I should remind you, Mr. Dun, that Mr. Joseph is in a very weakened state of being. He will be prone to sickness for a few days, so I recommend that you don't kiss him and transfer germs." She looked over to Tyler, "It's not safe right now, okay?"

Tyler and Josh looked at each other and rolled their eyes, and Allison had to keep her anger and frustration from escaping. She cleared her throat. "Anyway, the MRI results came back. We were right, you have some lesions in you cerebellum. This basically means that your balance is severely impaired, and you are also suffering some short term memory loss that seems to be temporary. You should recover from it soon. But to be on the safe side, you're going to participate in some therapy for both injuries." She finished and looked at Josh. "Can I talk to you outside, Mr. Dun?"

He rolled his eyes and stood up, "I'll be right back, Ty."

He followed her out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. "What's up?"

"The stuff is in your house. I brought it in today." She whispered, leaning in closer to him.

"Stuff?" He asked, "and how did you get into my house?"

She smiled, "Josh, don't forget that we've fucked in your apartment. I know where you live, and I found the spare key."

He shook his head in disbelief, "You are absolutely fucking out of your mind."

She shrugged, "Anyway, I'll be over to pick up a little at a time whenever I need it. I left some extra snow, just because I felt like it. That's yours." She smiled, gazing into his light brown eyes.

"Wow, um, thanks, I guess." He mumbled, tugging the hair at the nape of his neck.

She giggled, before giving him a more solemn expression, "By the way, can you please tone down the PDA with your boyfriend? Christ, it's annoying."

Josh scoffed, "Are you seriously jealous? You do realize I'm dating him, not you, right?"

The look on her face hardened, "Let's get a few things straight, shall we? First, I'm not jealous of that little fucker, okay? Last time I checked, we're fucking because of him, right? If anything, I'm grateful to that little bitch. Second, I could give less of a fuck if you're dating him, because you clearly don't care enough about him to stay loyal, right? You are not high and mighty, kay? You are nothing but a low life, cheating, piece of scum-"

"Okay! Okay! I get it." Josh interrupted hastily. "You're not jealous, I get it."

"Glad I made that clear." She paused. "Do you want to go fuck?"

He nodded his head, "Always."

"You do realize our relationship is mostly consisted of hate-fucking each other, right?"

"Yep." He said, grabbing her hand and guiding her to the storage closet.  
_____________________________________

  
Tyler sat patiently on his bed. Where the hell was Josh? He rationalized that Josh was probably talking about the MRI with the doctor. But if she had anything important to say, she would have to say it in front of him, right? He shook his head; none of this was adding up.

He went on speculating for the next few minutes, until he heard the door opening. He looked up, expecting to see Josh, but instead seeing Anya. She smiled at him, carrying a large tray of food. As soon as he saw it he let out a sigh of relief; how long has it been since he's eaten? Too long, he thought to himself as he smiled and said hello to her.

"Ok, first things first, how do you feel? Any pain, shortness of breath, vomiting?" She asked, checking the IV connected to his vein.

"No." he shook his head, "Actually yes, my head has been killing me all day. Is there anything I can get for that?"

She nodded her head, "Of course! We can put you on some painkillers for that, but first," She picked up the tray and put it right in front of him, "you need to eat." She picked up a spoon, and handed it to him, and he began to eat very slowly. Tyler let out a sigh of relief as he ate. Anya laughed, "I'm glad your enjoying the hospital food." She hesitated, "Wow, I never would've thought 'enjoy' and 'hospital food' could go into the same sentence."

The two giggled as Tyler continued eating. "Where's Josh?" Anya asked. "I thought he would've been right next to you."

Tyler shrugged, taking a small sip of his water bottle, "He walked out a few minutes ago, I'm not too sure where he went, though."

"I'm sure he'll be back soon." She stood up, "I'll be right back, I just have to go get something." She walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her, as if not to disturb Tyler.

She walked back in a few minutes later, carrying a can of soda and a sandwich. "I hope you don't mind if I eat with you, I'm on a break right now." She smiled as she sat down.

"Not at all," he replied, "Wait, you're on break and you're taking care of me? Why?"

She shrugged, "Apparently no one brought you food after your MRI, I was just checking your chart. That wasn't supposed to happen, by the way, I'm so sorry. Also, you shouldn't be eating by yourself, someone is supposed to be with you while you eat, in case something happens."

He smiled at her, "Thanks, it's really nice to have company. But I feel kinda bad; you have to spend your break checking on a patient."

She smiled as she shook her head, "It's fine. Besides, I'm eating, too, aren't I?" She opened the can of soda and took a sip.

Tyler looked at her intently before giggling, and she gave him a confused look.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing! It's just that, you're a nurse. Shouldn't you be setting a good example and not drink soda?"

She grinned widely, "Let's be real; I'm not going to die of a heart attack right here. What about you?" She unwrapped her sandwich and took a bite. "What do you do?"

"I'm in grad school."

"Oh, cool! What for?"

"Interior design. It's nothing special, but I love it."

Anya leaned forward, "Oh God, I bet the design in this room is atrocious, according to you."

He nodded his head, "The whites in this room don't match, I'm in Hell, aren't I?"

The pair went on laughing, eating, and telling jokes. Tyler had come to realize how kind and funny Anya was, not to mention smart. He had felt a connection with her; she had a very matronly aura, despite her young age. Other than Josh, she was the only one whose company he had actually enjoyed in this hospital. Nearly all thoughts of Josh and where he could be had been pushed out of his mind as he spent time with Anya, who was clearly well past her break. But he couldn't care less, and apparently neither did she.

He hadn't realized an hour and a half had past until he saw Josh walking back into the room. He looked clean: his face was clean shaven, his hair was damp, and he carried a duffle bag with him. However, he still had a frantic look and bags under his eyes, as if he were both energized and exhausted at the same time.

"Hey babe, where were you?" He asked, as Anya quickly picked up the tray and said her goodbyes to both Tyler and Josh.

"I went home; took a shower." He replied curtly, taking a seat where Anya had just sat moments ago.

"Why didn't you tell me? I was worried."

"Oh, were you?" He snapped, "I'm sure you were really fucking worried, laughing your ass off with Anya."

"I was!" Tyler said defiantly, "Besides, what the hell does Anya have to do with me being worried?"

"I don't know, she's just been really nice to you, that's all." Josh muttered under his breath.

Tyler shook his head in disbelief, "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not!" He exclaimed, much louder than he had meant it.

"But you are! Look at yourself! Wake the fuck up and see that! I'm sorry if I offended you for trying to make a fucking friend in this fucked up situation, but it would help if you would fucking support me, and tell me things! At least fucking let me know where you go beforehand, Josh!" Tyler was agitated, and he waited a few moments, basking in the silence Josh was giving him. "You can fucking answer, you know." He said in an annoyed manner.

"I'm sorry, Ty. I should've known how stressed you were. This isn't an easy place to be in, and I get that now. I mean, this isn't easy for me, either. I promise I'll keep you in the loop more often, okay?" Josh leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Tyler's, felling his soft breath tickle his cheek. "We'll make it through this, and I will be by your side one hundred percent."

Tyler leaned into Josh, placing his hands on Josh's shoulders as he softly caressed them. "We will make it through this," he echoed, "together. Nothing will tear us apart, okay?"

Josh stayed silent, each word stabbing him with more guilt than he ever thought was humanly possible.

But through all that guilt, there was something deep inside him that wanted her even more now, and he wasn't sure which feeling was worse. 


	12. Love vs. Lust, and The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh ponders his relationships, while Tyler is enlightened with the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!! 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!!

*********3 weeks later********  
Allison's lips were on Josh's neck, kissing and biting on the spot that made Josh squirm. She was moaning intensely as Josh fucked her, and he understood just why he kept coming back to her. She did things to him that made his head spin and his heart jump, and if this was the way he had to pay her back, then he could be indebted to her forever, so long as he stayed with Tyler, of course.

Any and all thoughts of Tyler were pushed out of his mind as he came inside of her, with her finishing shortly after him. The storage closet felt damp and humid as he pulled out of her, pressing a kiss to her hand while handing her the clothes that were on the floor. He didn't really know when or why he had started becoming affectionate with her, but he quickly felt consumed by guilt yet again. He had to stop doing this, and he knew he would, because Tyler would be getting discharged the next day. They would definitely be seeing each other a lot less. 

As soon as he got dressed, he moved to the door. He had his hand on the doorknob when she leaned close to him. 

"You'll see me tomorrow before you leave, right?" She whispered into his ear, sending shivers up Josh's spine as he nodded his head. 

"Of course I will!" He smirked at her, and she grabbed his arm, massaging it as she spoke.

"Don't forget, I'll be over to pick up the stuff later, maybe tonight or tomorrow night." 

He nodded his head. "I won't." He opened the door and peeked both ways before stepping out. As soon as he closed the door, he was thrown back into reality. The dreadful reality where he was a cheater, and his boyfriend was about to be discharged from the hospital. The reality where he was high more often than not. He walked slowly down the hallway, wanting to avoid seeing Tyler; even being in the same room as him made him nervous. All he knew was that it would be a lot safer once they were both home.

He stopped by the bathroom on his way to Tyler's room. He gazed intently into the mirror, slightly taken aback by how wrecked he looked. He quickly tried to make himself look somewhat presentable, before letting out a disgruntled sigh. He was going to have to take a shower. He could sneak into the shower in the room, but it was too risky. He didn't want him to see Josh looking like the living embodiment of sex, especially when it wasn't Tyler he was having sex with. He decided it would be safer to go home and shower there. 

He left the bathroom completely aware of the hickey on his neck, feeling the slight tenderness as he rubbed his calloused fingers over it. He could feel the slightly judgmental look coming from the old woman on the bench, who had her shirt buttoned up to her collar, and a large cross laying on her bosom, to which he rolled his eyes. 

The walk to his car was a long one. The sky was darkened in overcast and the swift yet strong wind ruined Josh's already unkempt hair. He was shivering; he had left his coat in the room. By the time he had actually reached the small navy blue car, he had nearly turned blue himself. He put the key in the ignition and cranked up the heating almost immediately. Once he pulled out of the parking lot, the car had warmed up significantly, warming his numb arms. He made his way out of the parking lot, his mind lingering on his predicament. He shook his head; he needed a distraction. He quickly turned on the radio, listening to whatever song was on the Top 40 radio station.  
_____________________________________

When he entered the bedroom of their shared apartment, he noticed that it was messy. It wasn't dirty; not in the way of mold and insects. It was simply cluttered, his clothes were scattered throughout his closet floor, not to mention the large cardboard box sitting in the corner of said closet. Josh carefully opened the box, paranoid that somehow the cops knew about his activity. He saw the large package, full of cocaine, and sighed. A part of him, the part that longed for his old life with Tyler, felt slightly ashamed of himself. How could he let himself stoop so low? The other part, however, was much stronger, and made Josh believe that this was what he was meant to be doing this. It just felt right, not to mention the intense amount of pleasure he got from the two poisons in his life. 

After doing a few lines, he headed into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror, and stared intently at his face. He looked exhausted: his pupils were blown and the bags under his eyes had become more prominent. He sighed and turned away; he had things to do. 

After he stripped down, he pulled back the shower curtain and turned the knob to the coldest possible temperature. It was just what he needed; the water was nearly painful, and it was as if all of the air was pushed out of his lungs as he put his head under the shower head, submerging himself in cold water.

As he was showering, he found himself comparing Tyler and Allison. Tyler was so passionate, wanting only the best for him and Josh, and did everything he could to make sure Josh knew just how loved he was. Tyler was the prime example of pure, hopeful, loving passion. Allison was a different kind of passionate, though. She wanted the best for herself, and believed that it was the best for Josh as well. Does that make her selfish? Maybe. All Josh knew was that she was the lustful, poisonous, and addictive passion. Tyler was the man that Josh could spend the rest of his life with, he almost never had a dull moment with him. He was so steady, he could always depend on Tyler. Allison felt like a quick fling; there was no pressure of a relationship with her. It was simply sex and drugs, the fun parts of a relationship, without the hassle. Finally, he loved Tyler. He loved everything about him. He knew they had gotten into many arguments throughout the past three weeks, but that was only because of the situation they were in, and he still knew that those feelings rang true. Did he even love Allison? Was what he felt for her considered love? He felt something for her, and whatever it was, the emotion was strong. He was lustful towards her. Yes, that's the term: lust. Was love stronger than lust? Was the sheer wanting of someone, the desire and primal attraction, better than finding solace, comfort, trust, and respect in someone else? Josh couldn't find any way to rationalize the idea that one was better than the other. So why not have both?  
_____________________________________

"Where were you? Did you shower?" Tyler asked, sounding groggy. He had clearly just woken up.

Josh rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I went home. I'm here now, though." He sniffled and tugged on the collar of his shirt, desperately trying to ensure that the hickey wasn't in sight. 

"You could've showered here, though. It's cold out; you shouldn't be going out there with wet hair. You'll get sick." Tyler pointed out, standing up and stretching. He had gotten to the point where he could walk properly, except for the few bouts of weakness and impairment that wouldn't be going away anytime soon. 

"I know, but I had clean clothes at home." He sniffled yet again, and Tyler raised his eyebrows. 

"Whatever." He shook his head before looking at the clock, "Anyway, I have to go to the physical therapy room. I'll see you in an hour." He walked over to Josh, pressing a long kiss to his lips that lingered even after he left the room. 

Josh was slightly disappointed; he had wanted to spend a little time with Tyler for the next few hours. He sat at the foot of Tyler's bed, looking at the remote that called the doctor in there. He seriously considered calling in Allison, and nodded his head as he reached for the button, and pressed it a few times. He had the urge to taste her again. It wasn't his fault, though. He had personally blamed it on the cocaine. 

She walked in a mere two minutes later, looking slightly concerned before spotting Josh, and her face immediately lit up. 

"Again?" She asked, and he nodded his head.

He stood up and led her into the bathroom, smiling as he closed the door so it was open just a crack.  
_____________________________________

Tyler was excited, to say the least. Every step he took made him feel happier and happier. He couldn't wait to really demonstrate to Josh that he could walk again. He had to admit, although he hated the hospital, he had made a wonderful friend: Anya. She was in charge of his physical therapy, and he had come to appreciate her even more than he had before.

He opened the door, expecting to see Josh sitting, and awaiting Tyler's return. He furrowed his eyebrows at the solitary room and glanced around; Did he leave? He dejectedly stumbled to the bed, taking a seat before closing his eyes, thinking about how far he had come from three weeks earlier. He was immensely proud, if he did say so himself, and he wondered if Josh was equally proud. He sure hoped he was. 

While he was pondering, a loud, obviously feminine moan erupted from the bathroom, and Tyler's eyes shot open, with a mixed expression of confusion and disgust. What the hell? He had nearly believed that the sound was purely in his head when he heard one even louder than that and a "Shh!" following it. Were there two people in there? He slowly stood up and silently crept to the door. He noticed the the door was slightly ajar, and peered through the crack. 

He saw a red-headed women, who he immediately recognized as Dr. Gibson. What was she doing? Her head was thrown back and she had an expression of ecstasy on her face as she sat against the sink, her legs spread wide and trembling slightly. Her hands were tangled in damp faded pink hair, which was situated between her legs. The man's hands were situated on her shaking legs, his head pressed closely to her core. Tyler recognized that man, and he immediately felt sick. His stomach lurched, and his legs felt weak. His first thought was to get out of the room; he needed to get away as soon as possible. He held back tears as he walked out.

He walked until he found the first seat that wasn't occupied, and quickly sat down and tried to process what he just saw. He replayed everything he just saw. His hands began trembling, and he felt like he was going to be sick. He began running his fingers through his hair frantically. There was no way that was what he thought was happening. He knew Josh was never do anything like that. But he couldn't deny that that was Josh's shirt, and his hair. That beautiful bubble gum pink hair. Why would he fuck her? What did he do wrong? He was genuinely confused. How would he even confront Josh about this? Would he just push the door open and yell at him? Tyler knew he couldn't do that, nor could he confront him privately. The first option was far too drastic, and the second was too lenient. Quickly, a plan began to form in his head, and through all the tears spilling down his face, and the strong, raw feelings of anger and betrayal, he knew what he was going to do. It was something he had to do. He had to take his revenge, while also reestablishing his dignity and reinstating respect for him. Because no one could disrespect and betray Tyler Joseph and get away with it, especially when Tyler Joseph was in a state of weakness. It was about time he taught Josh that he was not a force to be reckoned with. He clenched his jaw as he wiped his tears. He let out an angry growl as he watched a woman with fiery red hair sneak out of the hospital room, back facing Tyler as she walked away. 

He quickly stood up, ignoring the throbbing pain in his head as he walked to the room, plastering a fake smile on his face. 

If Josh could play the faithful boyfriend, then Tyler could play the clueless one. It's showtime, he thought to himself as he swung open the door.

_____________________________________

Josh was checking all around the room to make sure neither he nor Tyler left anything in the small hospital room. He picked up his small duffle bag and turned off the light before closing the door behind him. He took long, confident strides to the reception desk, where Tyler was leaving his insurance information with the hospital. He stopped when he was right beside him and grinned widely at Tyler. Tyler returned it with a small smirk, before loosely holding his hand as they walked to the car. 

The car ride home dragged on, and Tyler kept his eyes closed, claiming his head still hurt, while occasionally humming along with the songs on the fuzzy-sounding radio. Josh was merely basking in the sound of Tyler humming, but he didn't notice Tyler opening his eyes and staring daggers at Josh when he wasn't looking. And by the time they had arrived back home, Tyler and Josh made their way out of the car as quickly as possible. Josh shoved the key in the door and allowed Tyler to enter first. He let out a huge sigh of relief as he entered the apartment. Josh nearly pounced on him, picking him up and carrying him down the hallway. Tyler was slightly taken aback, and let out a groan of protest.

"Welcome home, sweetheart!" Josh exclaimed, and Tyler rolled his eyes. 

"Thanks! It's so good to be back!" He replied in a faux-excited voice, which sounded very realistic. 

Josh stopped when they reached the dining room table, sitting Tyler down atop the table. He pressed his lips against Tyler's lips roughly, yet passionately, and Tyler's stomach did flips, despite his bad feelings toward Josh. Josh kneeled down and began unbuttoning Tyler's jeans, which were becoming increasingly tighter, and pulled them down, along with his boxers. Josh immediately began working his hand over Tyler's cock. He slowly moved his lips over Tyler, swirling his tongue over the tip as he moved his head up. Tyler let out a shaky moan, grasping Josh's hair and Josh increased the speed, becoming more and more forceful with his movements. He pushed Tyler's legs further apart, and Tyler was reminded of everything he saw yesterday. The same lips that were on his cock were also on a woman's pussy the day before. His stomach lurched once again, and he felt bile rising in the back of his throat as he pushed Josh off of him. 

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, immediately noticing the tears welling up in Tyler's eyes. 

"No-Nothing." He gasped, the tears spilling, "My head is killing me right now." He lied and Josh nodded his head sympathetically. He helped Tyler get redressed and led him into the bedroom.

"Do you want to lay down?" He asked, and when Tyler nodded his head, he helped Tyler into the bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm going to go make you some food, kay? So you can take your meds."

Tyler nodded his head, "Thank you." He muttered and Josh smiled, and walked out. 

"Fucking bastard" Tyler muttered to himself, pushing the covers to the side and pacing around the room, resisting the urge to sob hysterically and break everything in the damn house at the same time. He began formulating his plan, mapping out everything he was going to do and say, but first he needed an audience. A third party, that had nothing to do with Tyler and Josh's relationship. And he knew exactly who to call. 

He grabbed his phone off of the bed, and called the newest contact he had put into his phone. He listened intently as he heard the line ringing, and spoke up as soon as there was a response. 

"Hey! I know this might sound a little rushed, but I would love to have you and your wife over for dinner next week at 6:00pm! You in?"


	13. The Man, The Whore, and The Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh have guests over for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!! 5.6k words!! And this is my fav chapter to write.

Josh had a bad day at the restaurant where he worked. He had never dealt with customers so rude. They had done nothing but give him an attitude and make fun of his hair when they thought he couldn't hear them. He had spent his whole break chain smoking and drinking a Red Bull. As he was driving home, he thought about the goods in his closet that he couldn't wait to have. He let out a quick prayer of thanks as he saw the bright apartment complex, getting out of the car and entering the elevator as quickly as he could.

Josh put his key in the lock and pushed the door open, immediately hearing Tyler humming to himself in the kitchen. He snuck into the kitchen and saw Tyler's back to him, wielding a knife and cutting chicken breast. He moved closer and Josh wrapped his arms around him. Tyler let out a gasp before letting out a giggle.

"Oh my God, you scared me, asshole!"

"What are you making, baby?" Josh said into Tyler's neck.

"Parmesan stuffed chicken breast, along with some sides."

"Whoa, what's the occasion?" He laughed, letting Tyler go and looking at him.

"Didn't I tell you? Anya and her wife are coming over for dinner at 6." He turned around and smiled.

"Anya? Why?" He asked confusedly.

"I wanted to say thank you, that, and she's really sweet. She's a good friend." He replied, a sly smile sneaking up on his face. If Josh didn't know any better, he could've sworn he was hiding something.

"Ok, well, do you need help?" He asked, putting his keys on the table and washing his hands.

"No, I think I'll be okay for now. I'll call you if I need you, though." He said, turning back to the chicken.

Josh frowned. "But we always cook together when we have people come over."

Tyler sighed. "I know, but there's really not that much to do. You can go take a nap. You must've had a long day at the restaurant, right?" He said in an attempt to shoo Josh out of the kitchen.

"Hold on, Ty. We need to talk about this." He said, walking up to Tyler, and crossing his arms.

"'Talk'? About what?" Tyler inquired, not even looking up at Josh.

"You've been so..." he paused, trying to find the right word. "distant, I guess." He grimaced, looking at Tyler and gauging his expression.

Tyler looked at him, stone faced; he looked a little pissed off.

"Are we seriously going to do this right now?" He said through gritted teeth; he was more than annoyed.

"Why not? It's just the two of us. Now, answer the question."

"Josh, I refuse to talk about this right now. We can do it later in the night, when it's all over, kay?" Tyler went into the pantry and grabbed a plethora of ingredients, and Josh knew this was a sign that he was dismissed.

Tyler had been so aggressive with him lately, and it was evident in the loud clatter coming from the kitchen that he was still pissed. Josh had decided to wait it out in the bedroom until it was safe to go back there.

It was about 15 minutes later when he heard Tyler calling his name.

"Josh?" He called out calmly, peering into the room.

"Yeah? What's up?" He replied, getting up off of the bed.

"Can you try some of the food for me? I feel like it's missing something." He explained, beckoning him into the kitchen.

Josh followed, inhaling the aroma, and stopping in front of the stove.

"Here. It's butternut squash soup" He handed him a spoonful of soup, and Josh had to admit, it was one of the best things he'd ever tasted.

"Baby, that tastes so fucking good." He wrapped his arms around Tyler, kissing his cheek. Tyler smiled and returned the hug.

"Tyler, I love you so fucking much." He whispered into his ear.

"Yeah, I know." He said, pushing Josh away and laughing, "They'll probably be here soon. I'm going to go change, alright?"

Josh followed him into the bedroom, and changed. "How formal should my clothes be?" He asked, echoing the question Tyler had asked him on their first date.

"Wear something nice." Tyler paused, "and clean." He giggled, and Josh cracked a smile.

Once he was dressed nicely (Tyler made him change twice), he walked into the kitchen; Tyler was checking the chicken in the oven, before turning to Josh. Before he had an opportunity to say something, the doorbell rang.

"Shit, they're here!" He rushed out of the kitchen before turning back around, "Get out some wine glasses, please."

Josh grabbed four wine glasses as he heard the door open.  
  
"Hey! Come on in!" Tyler exclaimed.

Josh walked into the hallway, greeting Anya with a hug, when she handed him a bottle of wine.

"This is for you guys." She grinned, and Josh read the label on the bottle.

He whistled, "Goddamn! Merlot, that's really amazing. Thank you so much!" He walked toward the kitchen. "You know what, I am going to crack this open right now." He paused, "Where's your wife?"

She turned around to check the door, "Give her a minute, I'm sure she's still checking her makeup."

The three adults laughed as Josh grabbed the first wine glass, getting ready to pop open the bottle when he heard Tyler greet yet another person.

"Hi! It's so great to see you!"

Josh knew that voice. He'd heard it on several occasions. He walked into the hallway and saw Anya's wife. She was wearing a teal shirt that contrasted with her fiery red hair. Her eyeliner made her blue eyes pop. The makeup on her face made her nearly unrecognizable, but Josh knew exactly who she was.

The shock had set in, and as a result, he had dropped the wine glass he was holding as he stared at her. The shatter had brought Josh back to reality as he hastily apologized and grabbed the dustpan, quickly picking up the shards of glass before throwing it away.

"Wow, I didn't realize Josh was such a klutz!" Allison exclaimed.

Tyler laughed and replied, "It's alright, babe, no harm done."

"I didn't know you two were married." Josh stuttered.

"Really, I thought you knew!" She gave him a look that told him to be a little more discreet.

Josh gave a quick hug to Allison as a greeting, and he could've sworn that he saw Tyler glaring at the pair. He quickly pulled away, and Tyler put his arm around Josh in an almost possessive manner.

Tyler made his way back into the kitchen, and checked on the food in the oven.

"Well, the star dish should be done in about 15 minutes, so that gives us just enough time to have the soup." He took out four bowls and served the first course of their meal.

The two couples sat around the dining table as they ate, keeping the mood light, except for the occasional looks between Josh and Allison. Josh had noticed that Tyler was looking directly at Allison the whole time, with a look that was part amused and part annoyed. It was when they finished the first part of dinner that Allison spoke up.

"You know, Tyler, I really love what you've done with the apartment. Did you design the rooms yourself?"

Tyler forced a smile as he responded, "Yeah, it was all me. It's the perks of being a design student, I guess."

"Wow, I wish I could put together a room like you can. I can barely match colors." She laughed.

"Yeah, I can tell." Tyler mumbled under his breath. The whole room tensed up as they all heard his comment.

Allison laughed uncomfortably. "What was that?"

"You know what I mean. What with you being a doctor. You must be too busy with all the..." he paused, taking a sip of his wine before finishing his sentence. "Focus on patients. You must not have anytime to coordinate colors. Take your top for example-"

"Tyler, cool it a little, babe." Josh whispered through gritted teeth.

"-Josh, let me finish." He leaned forward. "Anyway, your top is teal, right? No experienced designer would pair that with the color of your hair. It's just bad taste; tacky, for lack of a better term. So yeah, I can tell you don't know the first thing about color."

"Whoa, Tyler must've had a little bit too much wine!" Anya chuckled, attempting to cut the tension.

Allison let out a clearly forced laugh. "You know what, Tyler? You're right, I was too busy saving your life to worry about something as stupid as color. I guess that makes me 'tacky', as you so eloquently put it."

Tyler was about to respond when he heard the oven timer beeping. He let out a smirk as he stood up, "I can't wait for you guys to try this."

Josh stood up and followed him, muttering, "I'm going to give him a hand."

He walked into the kitchen and saw Tyler taking the baking dish out of the oven, and taking a pot of pasta off of the stove.

"Oh, thank God you're here. Be a doll and take the pasta and the salad into the dining room." He said, closing the oven.

"Tyler, what the hell is wrong with you?" He whispered, moving in closer to Tyler.

"Josh, I have no idea what you are talking about, I'm just entertaining the guests." He smiled, moving back toward the dining room.

Josh let out a groan, picked up the food, and walked back into the dining room, where Tyler was serving the chicken.

"Alright, ladies and Josh, dig in." Tyler said, taking a seat.

It was a few minutes of eating silently when Allison broke the silence.

"Tyler, this is a really lovely meal. I don't think I've ever had chicken this good." She said, cutting up a piece and popping it into her mouth.

"That's sweet of you to say. It must be a nice change from all the shitty hospital food you've had to eat over the years." He looked at her and smiled a false sweet smile.

"Interestingly enough, I don't eat hospital food. I almost never eat at work, I'm far too busy."

"Really, now? Well, you could've fooled me! One would even assume you've had too much hospital food." He smirked slyly as the room fell uncomfortably silent.

"What is your deal?" She asked incredulously.

Tyler couldn't have looked happier as he responded.

"Oh my, I was only teasing. Had I known you were so sensitive, I would've kept my mouth shut."

She kept silent, gripping her silverware tightly as she continued eating.

Tyler turned to Anya, "I really love your makeup, by the way. It looks really nice."

She smiled sincerely. "Thank you, Tyler! That's really nice. Allison did it for me."

"Really? She did a good job on you. She must've spent a lot of time on you. She must've had no time for herself. I mean, just look at her makeup." Tyler grimaced.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Allison said, a little more aggressively than she had meant it.

"Nothing, nothing at all! All I'm saying is you did a good job on Anya." He exclaimed, basking in her aggressive reaction.

"Really? Because it seemed like you were trying to say-"

She was interrupted by Anya leaning into her and whispering something. She quickly closed her mouth and went back to eating.

"So, Josh, tell us how work went today." Tyler asked, changing the subject.

The rest of the meal went a lot more smoothly, save for some hostile looks exchanged between Tyler and Allison.

After the dinner, the four retired to the living room, telling stories and avoiding anymore confrontation. Tyler seemed to lead the bulk of the conversation, finishing multiple glasses of wine and giggling intently. When Tyler had poured another round of the ruby red drink into everyone's glass, he stood up and clinked his glass.

"I want to do a toast, you guys. So I don't know if you two know this, but Josh and I have been together for about, what, three years now?" He turned to Josh, who nodded and smiled. "Three years," he whistled, "We might as well be the same person. I think I know everything about this man, and when I say everything, I mean everything." He cleared his throat, "Anyway I want to make this toast to intimacy, not just sexual intimacy, but the way I feel when I'm around him. The way we look at each other, the way we tell each other everything, the dynamic between us; that is the intimacy I'm talking about. I'm not exaggerating when I say I have loved him with everything I got these past three years." He beamed at Josh, who was looking at him adoringly. "So, now that I prefaced with that, I want to tell you a story." He turned to Josh, "I haven't told you this story, babe, but I know you know it. By heart, probably." He winked at him before turning back to face everyone.

"This is the story of how my boyfriend cheated on me." He pointed to Anya, "With your wife."

Josh immediately tensed up, his hand clenched the arm of the couch. His heart nearly dropped, and he kept his eyes fixed onto the floor. He was beginning to panic internally; was Tyler really going to do this, now?

"What is that supposed to mean. Tyler?" Josh asked in a panicked voice, looking up at him.

"It means," Tyler paused and looked directly at Allison. "You and Allison fucked." He said simply. "Isn't that right you _fucking skank_?" He asked, directing the question to Allison.

Anya looked over to her wife, "Babe, what is he talking about?" She said, laughing nervously.

Allison stared directly into Tyler's eyes as she responded, "I have no fucking idea, hon."

Tyler let out a scoff, "Oh, really, now you 'have no fucking idea'?  
Well, let me paint you a little picture."

He stood up, pacing up and down the living room. "Let's say a man and his boyfriend were out on the town, enjoying life, when the man got hit by a car. The man was in a coma, as one would expect. His boyfriend must've been so upset, don't you think?" He let out a forced, sarcastic laugh. "Oh, no,no no, this boyfriend was one big son of a bitch. He was a conceited, lying, pretentious piece of shit, that one. He had no consideration for anyone but himself, as one like him would. So when he found out his boyfriend was comatose, his evil, cheating ass decided he needed a new hole to stick his cock in. Who else would be better that the very same doctor that was treating the man? The doctor though," he whistled, stopping in his tracks and facing the three. "The doctor was the biggest whore in that hospital.  
The boyfriend knew it, too. So why not fuck her? Why not fuck her, in the very hospital that the man and the whore's wife were in? The whore had no objections, of course. The boyfriend was hot, and she was willing to take any cock thrown at her, I'm assuming that's because her wife's pussy wasn't enough for-"

"Tyler, for the love of God, stop! We can talk about this later." Josh pleaded, looking into Tyler's eyes and seeing rage, a rage that had been festering in Tyler for God knows how long. And Josh had a feeling he was just getting stared.

"Josh," he inhaled sharply, gripping his glass tightly, before drinking the remaining wine in it. "I'm in the middle of a fucking story, so I would appreciate it if you would _shut the fuck up and let me finish!_ " Tyler shouted at Josh, and on the word "finish", he was taking the now empty wine glass and throwing it against the wall. The shatter of the glass threw the four into a wave a silence, with Allison, Anya, and Josh fearfully staring up at Tyler, who was glancing at the three of them one by one, before composing himself and smiling.

"Anyways, as I was saying, the whore and the boyfriend were fucking. Pretty soon after that, the man woke up, and you know what the poor, naïve sucker's first words were? 'I love you'. That was how much he loved the boyfriend. He loved and trusted him so much, and the motherfucking boyfriend shit on all of that." He punched the couch, close to Josh's head, causing Josh to flinch, his eyes wet with guilt. "And when they would kiss, he tasted that whore's fucking lipstick. But the man had no idea! That's the thing! He was so damn ignorant, and it took so long for him to piece everything together. It took him a month, a goddamn month to figure out his boyfriend was cheating. And he only found out because he saw them. He saw them in the bathroom, with the boyfriend's head between her legs. He cried and cried. And he vowed to get revenge that day. This is his revenge. This is my revenge." He laughed, and walked up to Allison. He stared down at her before leaning down, staring directly into her face, which was mixed with fear and shock. He grabbed her wrist, holding the small and frail bones in his hand, and forced her wine glass to her lips. She was forced to take a large sip as she tried to free herself from his grasp when he whispered into her ear, "Does the story ring a bell now, whore? Now here you are, drinking your wife's wine from my boyfriend's glass, and you have the nerve to act like you can have both. Fuck that." He gritted his teeth and snatched the glass from her grasp.

He pushed himself away from her, and stood in his original spot, where he took a long look at each of them. Josh was staring at him fearfully, tears threatening to spill from his eyes and gripping his glass tightly, and for some fucked up reason, Tyler felt good about that. Allison was staring at the ground in front of her, purposely not looking at Tyler; he wanted to do so much worse to her, but he thought he got his point across just fine. Anya was staring at Allison with a fire that Tyler had never seen in her before, and he almost felt bad that Allison had to deal with her wrath sooner or later. He raised the glass and stared directly at Josh.

"To intimacy."

Anya let out a spiteful chuckle and echoed him, "To intimacy."

Tyler walked over, and he noticed that Allison had slightly flinched trembling under her wife's gaze. Tyler crouched down in front of Anya, and took her hands into his, caressing them softly.

"I hope you know I'm not mad at you. You didn't deserve this, and I'm sorry you had to see that." He explained softly as he held her hands in his hands. "But it was the only way I could get my point across."

She scoffed and muttered, "I knew this was happening, I just didn't know who it was with. Fuck you, Allison. But Josh already did that for me, didn't he? You heartless bitch, you're not talking your way out of this, you scumbag." Anya spat out, her voice sharp and ringing out through the room. She untangled herself from Tyler's hands and turned to Josh.

"How fucking dare you? You have the fucking nerve to cheat on Tyler, and with my wife? You piece of shit. You deserve whatever is coming to you." She slapped Josh, so hard that his face physically turned to the side. She wrapped her arms around Tyler, letting out an anguished noise as he stroked her hair, whispering reassuring words to her.

"Look at what you did." Tyler sneered. Josh's cheek was quickly turning red as he winced from the pain. Allison stood up, and Anya wiped her tears away, "Allison, we're leaving. Thank you, Tyler, for letting me know." She gave him a sad smile, which he returned. Allison approached him, and whispered something into his ear, something Josh couldn't make out. She made her way to the door with as much dignity as she could muster, which wasn't very much. Josh stood up and made his way to the door, leaving Tyler in the living room. He saw them walk out of the door, with Anya pushing Allison out the door, muttering something Josh couldn't make out in Allison's ear.

Josh stormed back into the living room, "What the hell was that, Tyler?" He said in a strained voice.

"Nothing much, sweetheart, I was just getting warmed up." He grinned, smoothing out his sweater and grabbing the bottle of wine. He snuck his hand into Josh's pocket, picking up the pack of cigarettes and the lighter sitting there. He made his way to the patio, taking a seat and breathing in the cold air.

He popped a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. He let out a satisfied groan as he exhaled. "Fuck, I forgot how good this was." He took a swig out of the bottle of wine, grasping it tightly.

Josh was speechless, Tyler had gone out of his way to humiliate Josh, and now he was going to smoke as what? A celebration? He was standing at the doorway, watching Tyler stare out into the distance, at the street in the nighttime, for a few minutes. The air was so cold, Tyler's exhales were so apparent that it still looked like he was smoking. The cold nipped at Josh's skin, causing him to shiver as he said, "Tyler. It's really cold, come back in."

Tyler let out a snort of laughter, "No. I'm fine out here. Let me finish this, I'm almost done. You can go in if you want."

"No. We're going to go in and talk about this. Right. Now." Josh said in an attempt to be tough, but he could tell by the way Tyler stood up and got into his face that he wasn't buying it.

"Really, baby? You're gonna act tough now? Josh, you and I know you could never pull that off." He shook his head, took a drag, and leaned into Josh's face, even closer than he had been before. "Let me. Finish. My cigarette." He said, smoking blowing into Josh's face. It tingled on Josh's face, temporarily warming his face as he breathed in the scent of tobacco and wine. Josh turned away and slammed the screen door leading to the patio, walking into the kitchen and muttering , "Fuck!" as he kicked a barstool. How could he be so stupid, so reckless? However, Josh believed that Tyler simply had no right to humiliate him like that. He was angry, and he was preparing for a argument when Tyler came back in.

He heard the screen door creaking open, and he saw Tyler shuddering and rubbing his palms together for warmth. He set down the stuff he brought outside in the living room before walking past the kitchen, paying no mind to Josh as he scurried to the bedroom.

Josh followed him, tracing his steps into the room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" He asked confusedly.

"Just checking something." He replied curtly, walking into Josh's closet and pulling out a familiar box. Josh's mind was racing yet again, how in the fuck did Tyler know about that? He immediately remembered Allison whispering something into Tyler's ear and his face had a comprehensive expression.

"That bitch." He groaned, hitting his head against the wall as Tyler sat on the floor, carefully opening the box.

"Oh, yeah. That bitch." Tyler mumbled. He pulled out a package of pills, Oxycodone from what Josh could tell. He looked at it carefully before setting it down in front of him on the floor. He took out the next package, and the next, until that particular box was empty.

Tyler hadn't said a word. He seemed to be consumed by silence. But it wasn't a shocked silence, no, it was a calculated silence. It was as if every second of it was predetermined, important, and meant to be. He simply looked at the packages in front of him, occasionally nodding his head as if he understood. But the most disturbing part about it was the lack of speech or reaction from Tyler. That, in turn, had kept Josh silent.

It had seemed like hours until Tyler finally spoke.

"This is my apartment." He stated matter-of-factly.

Josh inhaled sharply, leaning against the wall for support.

Tyler scoffed. "This is my apartment." He stated it more firmly before shaking his head and standing up. "And you bring drugs into it? Did you seriously stoop that fucking low? Are you trying to get us fucking arrested?" He picked up all the packages he had taken out, and shoved them back into the box.

Tyler looks at Josh expectantly, and Josh spoke quickly. "Ty,-"

"Don't call me that. You can't call me that anymore. It's Tyler."

Josh's heart sank, or broke; he couldn't tell at that moment. "I can exp-"

"I don't want an explanation. I want to know how long you've had these." Tyler crossed his arms as he waited for an answer.

"Since the day you woke up." He hung his head in shame as Tyler's eyes widened.

"That's more than a month. You've kept this shit in my house." He paused. "You cheated on me with a fucking drug dealer." Tyler mumbled to himself; the whole situation was just beginning to hit him. He sat down onto the bed as his eyes hardened. He paused, "Are you doing drugs?" He looked up at Josh, "Or just selling?"

Josh looked down in shame before mumbling, "I'm doing them, too."

"Is it weed? Oh God, please tell me you're doing something as harmless as weed." Tyler begged.

"It-" he paused "It's not weed."

"What the hell is it then Josh? What are you on?"

Josh let out a shaky sigh, "Coke." He stated simply.

Tyler's eyes widened, "Are you kidding me? For a month? Josh, don't you get what that shit does to you? Are you that fucking stupid?" He groaned, covering his eyes with his hands, "You know what? I'm not even going to fucking try. Fuck you."

Josh shook his head, "Tyler, I'm sorry! Okay? Is that what you want from me? An apology? Well here it fucking is: I'm sorry! Happy?"

  
Tyler shook his head. "You cheated on me, you fucking junkie! You don't have the fucking right to give me an attitude. Don't you dare pull that fucking shit on me, Josh!" Tyler yelled, his voice becoming louder as he became angrier and angrier. "You have fucking problems, man!" He walked up closer to Josh, "Did she feel good, huh? That bitch, tha-that fucking whore, did she make you feel good? Was she tight? How did her pussy tas-"

"Tyler, please stop!" Josh begged, not wanting to hear anymore.

Tyler let out a frustrated groan. "I'm not going to stop, you sure as hell didn't!" His voice sounded more pained rather than angry, and his voice broke. "And the worst part of all this is that she has something I can't give you, Josh! I can't win you back! I'm not a woman, and that is so clearly who you would rather have!" Tyler sat back down on the bed, tears falling from his eyes.

"That's not true! I love you, way more than I'll ever love her!"

"Do you?" Tyler looked up at him, eyes red and eyelashes tear soaked.

Josh looked at him. "Do I what?"

"Love her. Do you love her?"

Josh couldn't look Tyler in the eye, tears soon started spilling out of his eyes as he answered, as truthfully as he could. "I-I don't know."

Tyler knew that it would've hurt less if Josh had stabbed him in the heart.

The façade that Tyler had been pulling off the whole night, the cocky, determined, uncaring one, had completely shed itself as he heard Josh's response. He was sobbing as he replied, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Either you love her or you don't, Josh!"

Josh had sat down in front of Tyler on the floor, sobbing violently into his palms. "Tyler, I'm so sorry, baby. I'll do anything, just ple-please don't leave me!" He hid his face into Tyler's lap as he sobbed, and felt a surge of relief as he felt Tyler's nimble fingers run through the faded pink hair. He could barely hear Tyler's quiet sobs over his own cries.

They sat like that for a few minutes, with Tyler massaging Josh's scalp, and Josh mumbling apologies into Tyler's thighs; both of them were crying.

It was when they both stopped crying (with Tyler stopping much sooner than Josh), that Tyler spoke up.

"Get out." He said, loudly and clearly enough so that he couldn't possibly mishear him.

"W-what? Tyler-"

"Don't say that. You should've seen it coming. I need to be alone for a while." He sighed. "So get out of my apartment. You have five minutes before I call the police. You can pack, or you can cry. I really don't care. Just be gone by then."

"Ty, you can't just kick me out!"

" _Yes! Yes I can! It's my fucking apartment! You bring drugs into my apartment, you leave! You fuck other people when were still together, and you fucking leave! Get the fuck out! Get. Out!_ " Tyler was yelling, and Josh couldn't have been more scared or heartbroken. He had never even yelled during their worst arguments.

Tyler stormed out of the room, slamming the door on Josh. The door closed with a loud slam, and Josh flinched, before letting out a shaky weep and emptying out his drawer.

Tyler stomped into the living room, picking up the bottle of wine yet again. He was only able to take a few sips before it was empty.

" _Fuck_!" He screamed, and threw the bottle at a picture of the "happy" couple in a drunken stupor, seeing the picture fall and shatter, along with the bottle. He walked up to the picture, crouching down to take a closer look at it. The frame had broken, along with the glass protecting the picture. Clear glass was mixed with green, and he saw a single drop of wine splatter onto Josh's face in the photo.

He cursed before standing up and walking back into the bedroom. He saw Josh zipping up a suitcase full of his stuff.

"You done?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah." Josh replied, not looking up at Tyler. It was in this moment that Tyler noticed Josh had used his suitcase.

He pointed to it. "That's mine. Put it back."

Josh had a look of shock on his face. "Are you serious? I could give it back later, if you want. It's just that I don't have anything to put my stuff in."

He gave him a pleading look, and it was a little disturbing that Tyler found it so easy to shake his head. He blamed it on the Merlot.

"I think I have something else you can put your stuff in, gimme a minute." He walked back into the kitchen, going into the cabinet, smirking as he pulled out a black trash bag. He walked back into the room, and handed the bag to Josh, who had looked a little pissed.

"Seriously, Tyler?" He inquired, eyebrows raised. Tyler nodded his head sincerely, and Josh rolled his eyes, unzipping the bag and throwing all of stuff into it. He walked out of the room, and Tyler was right behind him.

He was at the door when he turned around to face Tyler, "Does this mean we're over?"

Tyler rubbed his forehead, "I don't know. I don't want to think about that right now. All I know is that I can't be around you any longer. Give me the key, I don't trust you with that shit. I don't want you coming in here without me knowing."

Josh rolled his eyes, and Tyler had had enough with his attitude. "Yeah, sweetheart, keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there."

Josh unhooked the apartment key from his lanyard, handing it back to Tyler without another word. He was halfway out the door with the bag hoisted over his shoulder, when he said, "I love you, Tyler."

"No, you don't. Now for God's sake, get the fuck out." He pushed him the rest of the way out and slammed the door shut.

He made a beeline for the patio and grabbed Josh's cigarettes. He had chain smoked for the better part of an hour, before becoming too angry. Before he knew it, he picked up the dark green lawn chair that he and Josh had bought together, and hurled it as far as he could, watching and hearing it clatter into the parking lot of the apartment complex. His mind was frantically racing as he tried to figure out what kind of sick fuck could pull shit like that. It was when he ran out of cigarettes that he went back inside.

As soon as he waked back into his bedroom, he began sobbing hysterically. He was sobbing into the pillow, tightly holding the sheets of the bed until he fell into a fitful sleep.

He had known the day would end like this. All because of his (ex?) boyfriend and that whore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me how evil I am in the comments!!!


	14. Jacob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Tyler deal with the aftermath of last night in different, yet similar ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this one!!! I love the atmosphere that this chapter gives off.

Josh groaned and slammed the steering wheel as he heard Allison's voicemail for what was probably the sixth time that night. He waited until after the beep to leave yet another hastily spoken message.

"Can you please fucking call me back when you get this? We need to talk, so whenever you're done dicking around with your wife, let me know."

He hung up and threw his phone to the passenger seat, placing his second hand to the steering wheel of his car. He wasn't sure where he was driving to; he just needed space to think, he supposed. He was stuck replaying the night's events yet again; he was in shock, yet it still felt like every inch of his skin was on fire.

He found himself driving past countless neighborhoods and buildings and making his way to a highway. He wasn't sure which one it was, and he didn't care. He just had to get out. The night was dark and frigid, the only light coming from the occasional streetlamp just off the highway, near the trees. It was nearly empty at this time of night, and he found himself going over 90 miles per hour, but not quite reaching 100. He had this absurd notion that the speed would somehow lift the heavy weight that he felt crushing all reasonable thoughts and ideas out of him. His mind was racing faster than his car, and he found himself thinking about Tyler. His mind was full of questions. Would they ever fix their relationship? Was there even a relationship to fix at this point? Tyler couldn't give him a legitimate answer on that one, not that Josh blamed him. If they did resolve their falling out, would it ever be the way it used to be? Josh doubted it, and that was the thing that unsettled him the most.

The annoying, generic ringtone being emitted from his phone shook Josh out of his thoughts. A small sliver of him had secretly hoped it was Tyler, calling him to ask him to come back home, to work things out. He peered over at his phone and saw Allison's name, which was the second best option at the moment. He fumbled with the phone for a bit before finally answering.

"About fucking time." He began, before being interrupted.

"Where are you?" She spoke quickly into the phone. "And by the way, I wasn't dicking around with my wife. The whole point is that I'm not. That's why we're here. In this bullshit scenario."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm on the freeway. Tyler kicked me out."

"Yeah, I figured. He seemed like a hard-ass. Don't worry, Anya kicked me out, too. Wait, why the hell are you on a freeway?" she inquired.

"I needed to clear my head for a little."

"By leaving the damn state? I don't think so. Get your ass back here. Now."

Josh chuckled, slowing down and looking for the nearest exit to take him back. "Where do you want to meet?"

"I don't know. Meet me at the restaurant you work at." She mumbled.

After exchanging more information about where to meet, Josh hung up the phone and made his way towards the restaurant. It took about twenty minutes until he he saw the front of the run-down building, with Allison in front of her car, rolling what Josh assumed was a joint on the hood if the car.

He parked his car onto the grass in front of the building and exited his car, shivering at the bitter cold. He approached Allison, who was lighting the the joint between her lips.

"Your boyfriend ruined my marriage, you know." She stated, not looking at him as she passed the drug to Josh.

"Did he, now? I thought that was your fault. Considering you're the one who cheated and all." He took a hit and gave it back to her.

"Fuck you." She scoffed, smirking at him.

Josh gave her a more serious look. "Now, why the fuck would you tell him about the drugs? He threatened to call the cops."

"It wasn't to hurt you, by the way. I did it to get to him. I wanted him to know that I corrupted his precious boyfriend in more ways than one. I want it to eat at him, tear him apart. He hurts me, I hurt him. Both of you had to learn the hard way. Eye for an eye, I guess."

Josh stayed quiet, looking closely at her. "You aren't upset?"

"Why would I be upset?" She asked, genuinely confused.

"You and Anya. You're not upset?"

She shrugged, "It was bound to be over, anyway. This was just the straw that broke the camel's back. We haven't slept in the same room since-" she broke off, walking towards Josh's car, propping herself up and laying on the hood, where she beckoned for him to lay by her.

They laid like that for a few minutes, passing the weed in between them for a few minutes before Josh spoke up.

"Why do you do it?" Josh asked, taking a hit from the joint he was holding before passing it to Allison, who was gazing longingly at the night sky from the roof of Josh's car.

She was pulled out of her trance-like state as she replied bluntly, still not looking at him. "Do what?"

He scoffed, "You know what I mean. The drugs. Why do you do them? And sell them? What got you into them?"

She smiled sadly, "Long story. I have to take you all the way back to when I first got married."

"I don't know if you noticed, honey, but I got all the fucking time in the world."

She sighed in defeat. "Alright. Fine. It all started when Anya and I had been married for about six months. Now, don't get me wrong, her and I were doing great back then, but I felt like I was missing something. I wanted that final aspect of married life, family, whatever you want to call it. We had talked it over, and we both wanted a kid. Neither of us wanted a sperm donor, nor to get pregnant. So, we looked into adoption."

She paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "We didn't even have to look for long until we found him. His name was Jacob. He was the most amazing little kid, just perfect. God, there was something so pure about him. I was just so sure that he was the one: my son. You should've seen the way his face lit up when we told him he was coming home with us. I had never seen a four year old that happy." Her voice broke, and she took a hit of the joint before passing it back to Josh.

"What happened to him?" He asked, watching her hold back tears as she spoke again.

"It was almost a year after we had adopted him. He had started bruising so easily, he was covered in them all the time. That should've set me off; I was still in Med School back then, so was Anya. For a while, I thought Anya was hurting him when I wasn't around. We used to get into so many arguments over Jacob, but God, he was worth it. I confronted her about the bruises, and she was just as clueless as I was. So, I let it go. We were good, the three of us, for a few weeks."

  
She sniffled and cleared her throat in an attempt to fix her voice, which had regained it's strength when she finally spoke. "I got a call from his daycare, and they told me some kid had accidentally elbowed him in the face, and that his nose was bleeding profusely. She told me that it wasn't stopping and how they were going to take him to a hospital. A few tests later, the doctors tell me that my kid has leukemia. I couldn't believe it." She scoffed. "You never think it'll happen to your kid. You see all those fucking commercials for those children's hospitals, asking for your help, and that all felt just so far away. It's real, though. It's all so fucking real."

She stopped, waiting for Josh to make a comment. When he didn't reply, she continued. "I remember his first month of chemo, and how bad it was. It hurt me, having to see how much it hurt him. One day, he was crying because he didn't understand why I couldn't help him stop the pain. I blamed myself for a while. I had somehow forced this idea that it's my fault he was hurting. He got used to it, though. And thank God, after five months of treatment, he was in remission. So it was worth it."

"So he's okay?"

She laughed spitefully, "No he's not okay, Josh. The cancer came back, of course. Because that's just how my fucking life works. My baby had to endure almost another year of the cancer coming and going. Anya and I just couldn't afford it, we both had school. So, I took a year break from it, and I took care of him, but it still wasn't enough. I couldn't stop trying, though. So I had two easy ways to get a lot of money fast, sell myself or sell drugs. Drugs just so happened to be less time consuming."

She paused, "And the best part? It wasn't even fucking worth it." She sniffled, cuddling into Josh's side, trying to stay warm. "After almost a year and a half of treatment, my Jacob died during a fucking botched bone marrow transplant. Not only did I have to watch my kid endure so much pain, but I also had to bury him when he was six." She let out a choked sob, and Josh's arm tightened around her as he pulled her closer.

"It's not fair! It never was fair, and it never will be! This wasn't supposed to happen. _He_ was supposed to bury _me_ , not the other way around! I have dealt with a lot of damn pain in my life, but losing the only pure thing in my life was the worst pain anyone could ever endure. When I saw him, laying there, _dead_ ," she broke off with a pained wail into Josh's side, and Josh had tears in his eyes as well; for the first time in their relationship, he actually pitied her.

She lifted her face, staring at Josh with swollen, puffy eyes. "I lost it, Josh. I lost everything I've ever felt. I was stuck, too. I was stuck dealing drugs; I couldn't just leave that easily. I guess, in a way, I still am. I've become so obsessed with it, because, weirdly, I feel connected to Jacob. I started this for him. I made it to the top for him. I'm in charge of all the drugs going in and out of the Columbus area, because of him. He made me into this fucking monster. This is why I'm such a heartless bitch! I hate to word it this way, but this is all his fault, and I'm okay with that. I'm absolutely okay with it. And there is not a day that goes by that I don't remember him, and I have never regretted making him my son. Never." She finished, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Josh put out the smoldering joint between his fingers, and pulled her closer into him, trying to ward off the cold by holding onto her, acting as if the color of her hair was the actual fire he longed for. He had fallen asleep whilst comforting her in his arms, something he should've been doing to the sobbing man in his apartment.  
_____________________________________

Tyler had woken up with a pounding headache, and the feeling that came with a night of crying, one that he knew all too well this past week. He flipped himself over, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Josh. He hated him. So much. But that didn't stop him from worrying about him. Where was he? What if something had happened to him? God knows he was probably coerced into shooting up heroin by that bitch. He forced himself to stop those thoughts right there; that was something he couldn't bear to imagine.

Tyler slowly pushed himself out of his bed, and his headache became even worse. His clothes from last night stuck to him uncomfortably. His mouth was dry, and he just felt groggy. His hair was a tangled mess, and he looked into the mirror. He had prominent bags under his eyes, there was an imprint of the pillow on his cheek, and an all around hungover look to him.

He slowly walked into the shower, turning the water to the hottest setting, wincing as he stepped into it. He let the burning water run down his tired body, letting it relax his tense muscles. He thought about how weird it was to be alone when he woke up. He wasn't sure whether to be happy or upset about kicking Josh out. It felt good, showing Josh that he couldn't fuck around with Tyler, that Tyler was a no nonsense type of guy, especially when it came to relationships.

It had felt like no time had passed in the shower, but before he knew it, the water had gradually become ice-cold.

"Shit." Tyler muttered, turning off the water and stepping out, drying himself off, before going back into the room and picking out his clothes. He had noticed that Josh had left Tyler's favorite pair of sweatpants to wear. He rolled his eyes before putting them on anyway. He had told himself that just because Josh had left behind his sweatpants for Tyler to wear, it did not automatically mean that he was a good person, nor did it mean that Tyler missed Josh because he wore them.

He decided to forgo the shirt, mostly because the first shirt he saw was Josh's tank top, to which Tyler immediately closed the drawer. He walked into the living room, nearly stepping on the broken mess that used to be his wine glass. He looked across the room, sighing as he saw the broken wine bottle, along with the photo that meant nothing to him anymore. He grabbed the dustpan from the kitchen, carefully pushing all the glass he saw into the pan, before dumping it into the trash. He had pocketed the photo, and looked around to see where he could put it.

He walked into the kitchen, opening the drawer closest to the refrigerator, and stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at the contents. There were sticky notes, all covered in his own handwriting. He looked through them, taking note of how many there were. Had Josh actually kept all of these? All of these corny, romantic notes that he didn't deserve. Had they meant that much to him? Tyler was surprised, hand still sifting through the large pile. The tears had sprung up unexpectedly; had he made a mistake? Maybe he shouldn't have kicked him out. Tyler shoved the picture into the drawer and slammed it shut. He was now fighting the urge to call him, and ask him back into the apartment. He made a mental note to himself to clean out everything that reminded him of Josh later. But for now, he needed a break. He opened the hardly touched liquor cabinet above the sink, grabbing the first bottle he saw, and took it to the living room, where he popped it open and sat down. He turned on the T.V, and flipped it to a random channel. He watched a shitty T.V movie whilst making his way through the bottle of whatever.

He was completely inebriated when the next thought emerged into his mind.

He needed a sloppy rebound, and he needed one soon.


	15. Hot Mystery Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler hits it off with a familiar face, and Josh doesn't take it too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!! Leave comments!!

Clubs and bars were never really Tyler's thing, in fact, he hated them. Or at least he thought he did. He wasn't into the idea of going out to drink around strangers; he found it weird, and risky. Yet here he was, at the bar of a loud nightclub, drinking glass after glass of Cuba Libre, staring at nothing but the bar counter. He came here to find a person to sleep with, but he had to drown out his guilt with a little bit of alcohol in order to carry out his plan. The bartender had attempted to strike up a few conversations, but had quickly moved on when he realized that talking to concrete would have yielded more interesting results. 

Tyler was losing interest in the whole rebound idea. He was going to have to accept the fact that he was never going to bounce back from Josh. He was going to be a bachelor for the rest of his life. He sighed, standing up from his seat and paying, absentmindedly handing the money over to the bartender, before turning around and slamming into the figure behind him. His head had clashed into the head of the person behind him, and all he felt was the counter of the bar digging into his spine as he stumbled back into it. He winced sharply, muttering a quick apology to the man behind him, as he tried to walk past him. The man, however, placed his hand ever so gently on Tyler's chest, stopping him. It was in this moment that he had a full look at the person he literally walked into. 

He was gorgeous, to say the least. Tyler was struck by his beauty as he gazed into his golden brown eyes. His hair was neat, dyed blue locks laying atop his head in a natural, yet tidy manner. He had chiseled features, which reminded Tyler of a model he would see if he were to peruse a fashion magazine. He couldn't help staring at his sculpted, full lips, and he realized that the hot mystery man had asked him a question. 

"Come again?" Tyler finally spoke, eyeing the black and white tattoo sleeve on the man's arm. 

"I said, are you okay?" The blue haired model asked with a smirk on his face.

Tyler quickly nodded his head, "Yeah, I'm alright. Sorry about that." He mumbled, trying yet again to maneuver his way past him, before being stopped again.

"It's no big deal. Are you sure you're okay? I don't want you to get a concussion. Maybe you should sit back down, rest for a bit. I'll buy you a drink, to apologize." 

Tyler's lips formed a small smile as he realized just what the guy was trying to do, and he was almost sure he wouldn't be going home alone tonight. 

"Alright. Sure." Tyler sat back down, watching as the other man sat down right next to him. 

"What were you drinking just right now?" 

"Rum and coke." Tyler replied, and the mystery man looked at him in mock disgust.

"Oh, no. That's no good. No good at all. You need something stronger than that to, you know, get rid of that headache." The man winked at him, and Tyler felt like he was going to faint. 

"If you're going to buy me a drink, maybe I should know your name." Tyler teased, trying to keep himself from blushing, but failing miserably.

"I'm Jonah, how about you? I don't want to keep calling you 'hot brunet', unless you're okay with that." 

If Tyler wasn't blushing before, he sure was now. "Tyler, and I have to admit, that wasn't the smoothest way to compliment me, but I'll take it." 

Jonah laughed, "Damn it." He eyed Tyler up and down before continuing, "Are you single, Tyler?"

"Yes." Tyler hadn't even given it a second thought, which slightly concerned him. He backtracked, "Well, as of yesterday night, yes."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that." 

Tyler shrugged, "I'm not; he was a piece of shit. In fact, I'm much more interested in my present company."

"Well, lucky me." Jonah set his hand on Tyler's.

"How about that drink?" Tyler giggled, and he was sure that he hadn't felt this way in a long time. 

Tyler had a good feeling about Jonah; there was something about him that felt like home. Tyler knew exactly what it was, he was just far too stubborn to even let those thoughts surface. It was when Jonah moved in for a kiss after a few shots of whiskey that Tyler noticed the onyx ring on his nose, and Tyler knew that he was absolutely fucked.

The pair had not even kissed for a few minutes when Tyler pulled away, looking at his new interest with lust in his eyes. He was about to speak when Jonah interrupted him. "My apartment or yours?" 

Tyler grinned, "Mine is only a few blocks from here, pretty boy." 

"Perfect." He smiled back, and another idea was beginning to form in Tyler's head. 

As Jonah drove him home, Tyler sent a quick text to Josh: 

-You know what? I'm feeling generous. Come by to pick up the rest of your stuff. If it's not gone by 3:00pm tomorrow, it's all going in the parking lot. I think it's supposed to snow tomorrow, too. Better hurry.

Tyler smirked to himself, and scoffed when he saw that Josh had replied almost immediately. 

-I'll be there. Thanks. I hope we can work this out. 

How pathetic. 

The two men made their way up to the apartment, which smelled of booze and cigarettes; not that Jonah said anything. They had made their way directly into the bedroom, lips locked nearly the whole time. 

Tyler had a very good feeling about tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, clubs and bars were starting to become his thing.  
_____________________________________

As soon as he was sure Tyler was awake, Josh was making his way back to the place he so desperately wanted to call his home again. He was driving as fast as he could; he had stayed at a motel with Allison on the other side of town. She had already left for work by the time he woke up, so he had to go alone. 

To be completely honest, he was a little afraid to be alone with Tyler again. He had a bad feeling about the visit that he just couldn't shake. So when he was on the front steps of the apartment, he had the urge to run back to his car. He was about to knock on the door when he heard a loud moan that was definitely Tyler's erupting from the inside of the apartment. 

Josh's eyes widened, his heart sank, and he felt waves of panic radiating from the pits of his stomach. Had Tyler really moved on this quickly? Josh knocked on the door quickly, and waited. It had felt like centuries had passed before Tyler opened the door, with a sneaky smile on his face. Josh noticed his disheveled hair, sticking out in a crazy way, nor could he ignore the raging hard-on that the boxers sticking to him couldn't hide. Josh felt pangs of jealousy as he eyed the hickeys littering his neck. He couldn't help but wonder who the hell this bastard fucking his Tyler was. 

"Hey Josh," Tyler smirked, moving to the side so Josh could enter, and he let out a silent chuckle when he saw Josh's fists clenched. 

"Hey Tyler." Josh replied curtly, and his jealousy got the best of him as he added, "You've kept yourself busy."

"You could say that. Now, you know what to do. Don't mind us, just get your stuff and get the fuck out." 

Josh was about to ask exactly who "us" entailed, when a guy stumbled into the living room, planting a kiss to Tyler's lips. Josh looked him in shock; he was literally looking at the blue haired version of himself. The bastard pulled his lips off of Tyler, looking at Josh.

"Hi. I'm Jonah. You must be Tyler's old roommate right?" 

Josh tried not to punch that piece of shit in his perfect face as he responded, "Yeah, I'm Josh." 

He tried not to be too angry as he walked off into Tyler's room in order to get all of his stuff, but he still slammed the door, to which Tyler let out a loud chuckle.

After picking up everything he left behind, including a specific box in his closet. He stepped back outside, only to find Tyler and Jonah kissing passionately in the kitchen. Another pang of jealousy filled Josh's body as he asked, "Tyler, can we talk for a little bit?" 

Tyler looked at him, rolling his eyes as he nodded his head, leading Josh into the empty bedroom.

"What do you want?" 

Josh looked at him, "You."

Tyler glared at him incredulously, "Stop being so fucking cliché, you lost me. What do you really want?" 

"Ty,-"

"Jesus fucking Christ. Don't call me that."

Josh cringed, "Sorry, Tyler. I miss you already. Can we please just talk this out?"

Tyler scoffed. "No. You lost the opportunity to 'talk' when you fucked that skank."

"Well, you're not that fucking perfect either." Josh shot back, and he almost immediately regretted it when he saw the hostile look on Tyler's face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"Your little fucking boy toy. That's what I mean." 

Tyler laughed sarcastically, "Oh! I get it! You want to spin all of this on me now! Make it all my fault, right?" He leaned in closer, "Well that's not how this is going to work. Because last time I checked, you're the lying, disgusting, piece of shit drug addict who thought he could get away with cheating on me. You really think you could win me back by insulting me to my face? Fuck that. Fuck that and fuck you, Josh." 

Josh stayed quiet, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to hold back tears.

Tyler continued, "Nothing to say? Now you're smart enough to keep your fucking mouth shut? You damn well put a damper on my day. You know where the door is. I'm done with you being a jealous, possessive prick."

Josh picked up his stuff, and was halfway out the door when Tyler called his name once again.

"We're definitely over, by the way"

That set Josh off, and pushed him even closer to beating the shit out of the motherfucker standing in the kitchen.

"It was nice meeting you, Josh!" Jonah called out, waving at him.

"Fuck off." Josh replied, causing the smile to slide right off of Jonah's face. Josh went out of his way to slam the apartment door as hard as he could, and made his way down the stairs and to his car, unsure of what to do next. 

Josh was sure of one thing, though: he was never going to give up on winning back the only thing that ever mattered to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!


	16. Headaches and Numbness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's head is killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit!! Over 1400 hits!!! More than 75 kudos?? Thank you guys so much!!! 
> 
> Please please please enjoy!!!

Tyler looked out the window of his car, every bump in the road making the pounding in his head stronger and more painful. The music playing from the car radio was doing nothing to help. He knew he was a long way from the hospital, but a part of him was hoping that the next corner that the vehicle turned would be to their destination. He groaned, closing his eyes as his migraine made him shudder. He felt like the back of his head was ready to split open, and it made him increasingly dizzier. 

"Is there any way you could get there faster?" Tyler hissed at Jonah, who was trying to navigate his way through traffic. 

Jonah tapped the steering wheel frustratingly, "What do you want me to do, Ty?" He gestured to the long line of cars on the road, "Unless you want me to run over each fucking car, we'll have to wait." 

"I-I don't fucking know! Can't you find a back road or something?"

"Tyler, does it look like I can leave this road?" Jonah shot back, honking his horn at the stationary van in front of them. 

Tyler winced and reached his hand to the back of his throbbing head. Every sound in the vicinity was making Tyler angrier. The annoying pop song, Jonah's fingers drumming against the steering wheel, and even the cars around them honking their horns; they were all doing their damage. Tyler wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. 

He groaned painfully, leaning forward to turn off the radio. Jonah let out a noise of protest, "Why'd you turn it off? I was listening to that." 

"Can you please shut the fuck up, Jonah?" 

Tyler caught a glimpse of Jonah's hurt expression, and guilt was added on top of his migraine. 

"Sorry, sorry. My head is driving me crazy." He amended, and the man driving nodded his head. 

"Why is this happening? I mean, you can't just have a headache this bad for no reason." 

Tyler bit his lip, "I don't know." He spat out quickly, a little too quickly.

Jonah raised his eyebrows, "Alright. If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. Just don't treat me like I'm fucking stupid."

The rest of the ride was silent, and Tyler felt like he was going to pass out. By the time they had reached the parking lot of the hospital, Tyler knew this wasn't going to end well. He watched as Jonah closed the door to the car, making his way to Tyler's side and opening the door. Tyler held on to Jonah's open hand as he attempted to stand up. It hadn't worked well, as his knees gave out, and he had to lean on Jonah for support. The two had stumbled into the hospital, and it was evident that Jonah was having a hard time sustaining both Tyler's weight and his own. 

Jonah had situated Tyler into a chair in the waiting room as he checked Tyler in at the front desk. Tyler was trying not to think about his physical therapy progress being undone. Thinking about that would cause him to cry, and that was the last thing he wanted Jonah to see. He refused to let him see yet another sign of vulnerability in him. 

"Alright, we're all set, babe. He said that you'll meet with a Dr. Gibson as soon as she's available." Jonah said, sitting down in the worn down seat right next to Tyler. 

Tyler's eyes widened, and he shook his head slowly, "Can we get someone else?"

Jonah's eyes narrowed, "Why?" He inquired suspiciously. 

Tyler groaned, closing his eyes and rubbing them with his hands. "Can you please stop asking me questions? Just go ask." He paused before adding hastily, "please?"

He watched Jonah go back to the front desk, saying something Tyler couldn't hear, and pointing at him. He watched the receptionist peer over his desk at Tyler, causing Tyler to smile awkwardly. He saw the pair speaking a little longer before Jonah paced back over to Tyler. 

"He said she's the only specialist they have in today." He paused, "Why would you make me ask that? You made me look like an idiot. I don't even know who she is" 

Tyler sighed, the exhale clearly filled with irritation. "Jesus fucking Christ, please stop asking me all these stupid questions. I can't think right now, Josh." Tyler froze, his shoulders stiffening as his face became flushed and hot with embarrassment. 

"Jonah." He corrected quickly, burying his face in his hands, but not before noticing the way Jonah glared confusedly at him. 

It was another few minutes of awkward silence before the door to the patient rooms opened, and a clearly exhausted Anya opened the door. She looked less lively than she had been before. Her eyes had dark circles around them, and she was looking generally unhealthy. She called out Tyler's name, watching as Jonah helped Tyler up, helping him to Anya. She took over for Jonah, but not before engulfing Tyler in a tight hug. She whimpered into his shirt as she wrapped her arms around him. 

"How've you been?" He murmured into her hair, returning the hug.

"Oh Jesus, I've never been worse." 

Tyler let out a sigh before turning around to look a Jonah, who was standing there awkwardly. 

"I'll be alright. You can wait for me in the waiting room." 

Jonah took this as his dismissal, walking back to his seat as Tyler and Anya made their way into an empty room. 

"You moved on quickly." Anya said while sitting Tyler down on a bed. 

"Not really." Tyler said blandly. "You can tell why I'm with him."

She nodded, a sad smile on her face. "Yeah. Can't say the same for myself. I'm ready to get rid of the name Gibson as soon as humanly possible." 

As soon as she said that, Allison had walked into the room, not looking at either of them. 

"Anya, you can go take care of the patient two doors down, you know, the coma patient." 

Anya scoffed, "Sure, as long as you don't fuck their boyfriend." 

Anya had already left by the time Allison looked up, scowling at Tyler instead. 

"So what's wrong with you now?" She spat out. 

Tyler swallowed, "M-Migraine" he stammered nervously, and he was starting to regret not bringing in Jonah. 

She sat down in front of him, "Have you been drinking a lot?"

He nodded his head, "That has something to do with it?" 

"Of fucking course it does. You can't expect yourself to heal if you get yourself drunk all the time."

"Well, can you give me something for the pain right now?" He asked, wiping his clammy hands on his jeans.

She hummed in agreement, "I mean, I could. Then again, maybe it's not a good idea for you to be asking me for help. After all, you did ruin my marriage." 

Tyler raised his eyebrows in shock, "Really, Allison? I thought we were going for professionalism here. Then again, you've never been one for professionalism." He smirked, watching her jaw clench in annoyance. 

"You're one smug son of a bitch, aren't you? No wonder Josh is with me now." She watched as Tyler's smirk was wiped off his face, replacing it with a look of confusion.

"Hold on, what?" 

She smiled, "Oh, not so smug now are we? You heard me very well, Tyler. We've been sharing a bedroom. Since you kicked him out, we've had sex almost three times a day for the past three days. I mean, God damn, if that doesn't tell you he's over you, I don't know what will." 

Tyler bit his lip, "Oh really? Is that why he begged me to take him back yesterday morning? I mean, he was in tears. So much for 'being over me', right?" Tyler was exaggerating, of course, but it felt good seeing her own smile falling. 

"You're lying." She said nervously, and Tyler could tell that her possessive tendencies were kicking in, forcing her to call his bluff.

"I'm really not. You can ask Josh yourself, if you want. I think," he paused, trying to stifle a giggle at her jealous expression. "you just don't want to admit that he misses me. You don't want to hear that Josh is mine, even if I don't want him." 

She stood up, eyeing him angrily before grabbing him by the throat. She grasped tightly, not cutting off his air supply entirely, but still enough to cause discomfort. "Shut the fuck up. We both know that's a lie. He left you for me." She paused, "He left you for me." She repeated, as if she didn't quite believe herself. 

Tyler actually laughed that time. "No. He didn't. He had to settle for you. Because here's the thing; even after I kicked him out, he still wants me back. When he leaves you, and he will, trust me. He will never give you a second thought. Because you are nothing important, especially not to him." 

She let go of his neck, standing up straight and glaring at him. Tyler's heart was racing; he was unsure of what she was going to do next. The silence felt like an eternity, and Tyler was greeted with a sharp pain in the back of his head. 

"I'll take whatever you'll give me for the pain, then." He said confidently, as if nothing had happened. 

She scoffed, muttering "Fuck you" as she walked out of the room.   
_____________________________________

Tyler sat in the car, looking at the prescription in his hand. Jonah was driving quietly, and Tyler couldn't have been more grateful. Jonah was nice, but Tyler quickly realized just how annoying he was soon after Josh left. 

The silence was broken by Jonah clearing his throat. "Can I ask you something?" 

Tyler glanced up from the pill bottle. "What's up?" 

"Why did you roommate leave?"

Tyler swallowed, "I kicked him out. Why?"

Jonah shrugged. "I don't know. Just asking." He paused. "Were you two dating?" 

Tyler exhaled softly, looking at Jonah. He was seemingly calm , but Tyler noticed just how tightly his hands were gripping the steering wheel. 

Tyler decided to be truthful. "Yeah, we were."

"And his name was Josh, right?" He asked, and Tyler nodded his head. 

"Oh." was all Jonah said.

The rest of the car ride was silent, and Tyler just wanted a drink.  
_____________________________________

Josh was laying on the motel bed smoking a cigarette, waiting for Allison. It was a no smoking room, but Josh really didn't care at that point. He heard the door open and slam shut, and he shot up out of the bed. She grabbed his free hand, ushering him out of the door and into her car, so quickly that he could barely register what was going on. 

After Allison and Josh went on the freeway, following the address she had put into her GPS, she finally spoke. 

"Josh, tell me you trust me." She said sternly.

Josh replied quickly, looking at the mesmerizing night sky. "Of course I do." 

"Good. That's good." She said breathlessly, and Josh began feeling a little nervous. 

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly, trying to see if he could calm her down. 

"I’m fine Josh. I’m just fine. Or at least I will be.” She corrected. 

“I know that tone. What are you planning?” He asked suspiciously. 

She smiled softly, "Honestly? I'm making a point to your ex. I want him to know the effect I have on you. Since he thinks I'm nothing to you." 

Josh stayed quiet, and he was still unsure about what they were doing by the time they arrived at a house. He hadn't seen the house before, but the car was definitely one that he recognized. 

It was a bright red Prius. 

"What the hell are you planning?" He asked the doctor frantically, his heart racing as he looked at her with wide eyes. 

She grinned at him, and reached into the glove compartment, pulling out a pistol. Josh was ready to faint, and he pushed her hand away from him. 

"What the hell are you doing?" He nearly yelled at her, and Allison placed a placating hand on his shoulder. 

"Don't you want revenge, Josh? She ruined your life. C'mon. She's the reason that all of this happened. I'm not going to blame you." She said, and Josh closed his eyes, trying to put his frantic mind at ease. 

She placed the pistol in his hand, and put her hands on either side of his head. 

"I know you can do this. This is the start of your life with me. How else do you expect me to trust you? Do this one thing for me, for Tyler, and I will always be on your side. Deal?"

Josh could only focus on the heavy feeling of the gun in his hand, the cold, smooth feeling of it weighing down his hand. Other than that, he felt completely numb. 

Maybe that's why he nodded his head.


	17. Blood and Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These things tend to happen when someone like Josh is put into a situation like this.
> 
>  
> 
> *****Trigger Warning****
> 
> Someone gets killed in this chapter. Nothing too gory or graphic I promise. But still. Be safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Comment! Leave kudos!

Josh felt like he was dreaming. There was nothing to this that felt real. He could hardly see past his own two feet as Allison knocked on the front door. He glanced at her nervously, as if he were asking, "Are we actually going to do this?". She smiled and placed her hand in his, taking the gun from his hand and placing it into the waistband of her jeans. She then smoothed her top out over the gun, concealing it well.

The door creaked open slowly, and out came a young woman. If Josh had to guess, he'd put her in her early twenties. She had long dark brown hair, almost black, tied up in a messy bun. She was fairly attractive, with light blue eyes not unlike Allison's. But contrary to Allison, she had a kinder look to her. Josh tried not to think too much on what her personality could have been, considering the circumstance.

"Hi." She said shyly, looking at Allison confusedly. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Yeah! My boyfriend and I were driving to my sister's house. It's a few miles out of here. Our car broke down, I think we ran out of gas or something. Can we siphon from your car?" She gestured to the Prius, and Josh prayed that she would say no, that she would close the door. Maybe they could just leave this behind, and pretend this never happened.

She sighed, looking between the two of them, lingering on Josh for a little longer than he would have liked. "I'm not sure I have gas to spare, you know? Really, I usually wouldn't mind, but-"

"Nonsense," Allison said blatantly, "your car is a hybrid. You can switch to electric. You'll be fine without a few gallons."

"Sorry?" She asked, clearly annoyed, "I don't think that you, a stranger, of all people, can tell me what to do. I'm sure you can find someone else to help you around here."

Allison chuckled, "Excuse me? That's not how this is going to go. I thought you would be a little more, what's the word?" She paused, "compliant. That's it. Well, it looks like we're doing this the hard way."

In almost no time at all, Allison pulled her gun out, smirking as she took note of the girl's expression. Her eyebrows had shot up, and her eyes had immediately started watering. Her bottom lip began trembling as she raised her hands. "What-"

"Maybe this will sway you. Move over." She waited for the girl to follow orders, and when she didn't, she yelled, "Now."

The girl scrambled to the side as Allison dragged Josh into the house with her, still pointing the gun at the girl. Allison took confident strides into the house, looking around for a split second before gesturing for the girl to come in.

"You know, I've gotta be honest, you have a beautiful home." Allison started, watching the girl walk fearfully into the house. "But I'm not one to give many compliments, now am I?" She giggled hysterically while forcing the girl into the first chair she saw. Allison now stood behind the chair, cocking the gun.

"Now, are you nice and comfy?"

She pointed the gun to the base of the girl's skull. "When I ask a question, honey, I expect you to fucking answer me, got it?" The girl nodded her head frantically, tears now spilling silently down her face. "Good! Now," Allison put the gun away before grabbing each side of the girl's head, forcing her to look directly at Josh, who noticed the look of realization and fear on her face. "Do you remember him? See him anywhere?"

"Yes, yes! I remember, I don't think I'll ever forget." She sobbed, closing her eyes and tipping her head back. "Please, don't do this. I'm so sorry!" She let out a rather pitiful wail, and the guilt that Josh was feeling was beginning to overwhelm him.

"What's your name?" Josh asked coldly, kneeling down in front of her.

She sniffled, and yelped when Allison forced her head back down to look at Josh. "Teresa! My name is Teresa. Oh God, please!" She begged, hand slowly creeping to her front pocket, where her phone was hidden away.

"Oh no! Is the poor baby crying?" Allison teased, laughing when the girl flinched at her now shrill voice.

Josh ignored Allison, still looking at Teresa when she asked, "Is he dead? Did-did I kill him?"

Josh looked at her sadly, shaking his head. "He's fine. He's alright now." He stood up, pacing around the room in confusion, unsure of what to do.

"Then why are you here?" She cried. "What did I do?" Teresa hand had made its way closer to her pocket, and Allison had started to take notice.

"What the fuck are you doing, bitch?" She asked incredulously, stepping to the front of the chair and snaking her hand into the girl's pocket. Her sharp eyebrows shot up in surprise as she took the phone out. "Oh! Wow! Josh, would you look at that? This whore thought she could outsmart us!" Teresa's sobs as she realized she couldn't escape this horrendous scenario were completely heartbreaking to Josh.

Allison tossed the phone to the floor before shooting it. The sound echoed throughout the room, and Josh's ears were ringing from the loud noise. He looked at her angrily, "Jesus Christ, Allison! Everyone in the fucking state heard that!"

Allison crouched down to be level with Teresa's puffy eyes, swollen from the tears, "You want to know what you did? Josh, you can do the honors of telling her that. It is your story, after all."

Josh swallowed nervously. "Allison, maybe we shouldn't be doing this. This is so wrong- and fucked up on so many levels!"

Allison stood up and pulled Josh to the side, but not before warning the girl to stay put. "Move and see what happens, bitch. You haven't seen me mad yet."

She turned to Josh. "Do you not remember the sequence of events that led us here? Because I can sum it up very quickly for the both of you if you won't."

She moved closer to Teresa, pacing around the room as she continued. "One: You run Josh's pretty little boyfriend over. Two: Poor Josh was completely heartbroken and lost. Three: I thought that Josh was perfect in every way, which he is, and I wanted to take him under my wing. Four: I corrupted him, in a sense. I got him to do coke, and he cheated on Tyler with me. Five: Tyler woke up and found out. He dumped Josh. And finally, six: We realize that this is all your fault, and here we are."

She turned back to Josh, "Don't you see? If step one never happened, we wouldn't be here! You'd be so happy and healthy, fucking Tyler to your heart's content!" She leaned into his ear, whispering, "This is all her fault. She did this to you. She let all this happen."

She guided Josh's hand to the gun, and rested her hand over his. She led his hand to the temple of Teresa's head. "Josh, this is your moment. Tell her how you feel."

"I-I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. Please-" He stammered before being interrupted by Allison.

"That's not how you feel, Josh. That's not how you're supposed to feel. If we're not going to say what we mean, then we might as well skip the theatrics." She paused, before letting go of his hand. "Josh. Shoot her."

He hesitated, looking at her with a shocked expression on his face.

"Josh," she started through gritted teeth, "Don't make me say it again. Shoot. Her."

Teresa's eyes widened before she started sobbing even harder than before. Josh stared down at her anxiously. She had her eyes tightly closed, silent sobs escaping her lips as she whispered prayers under her breath. Josh found himself praying silently along with her as he gripped the gun. His hands were shaking uncontrollably as tears began streaming down his face. He couldn't do it. He took a deep breath before dropping the gun, letting it hit the floor. He kneeled down, head in his hands, sobbing "I can't do it" over and over. He heard Allison walk over and bend down to pick up the gun.

"Fucking pussy." She muttered under her breath, but loud enough for Josh to hear it. She pickled up the gun, and forced Josh up to his feet. "Now let's try that one more fucking time, Josh. I know you can do it." She said in a faux-encouraging voice, forcing the gun back into his hand, placing her finger right over where his laid on the trigger.

"Don't make me do this. Please." Josh whispered quietly, and more tears were threatening to spill down his face.

She looked at him with a look that he had only seen when they were in the hospital. He could've sworn it was sympathy. "What do you want to do? Leave? We can't. She knows what we look like, she knows our names-"

"Please! I-I won't tell anyone! This never happened! I promise!" Teresa cried, looking up at the two of them.

Allison nudged the gun closer to the girl's head. She turned to Josh, "I promise it gets easier."

Josh closed his eyes and turned his head away as he felt Allison's finger press down on Josh's, effectively causing both of them to pull the trigger. The shot was so loud, and so close to Josh that his ears starting ringing yet again. He tensed up, and was unable to move as Allison took the gun out of his hand.

Josh couldn't breath. He began pacing the room, averting his eyes from the mess that was once part of Teresa's brain. He felt himself gagging at the sight when he glanced over at it. His heartbeat quickened, and the urge to leave became a thousand times stronger.

Deep in thought, he barely heard Allison calling his name. He looked up at her fearfully, and she had a look of pity on her facing. "Hey," she said, moving closer to him, "Are you good?"

He shook his head quickly, and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. "You did well, I promise."

Josh looked at the body laying in front of the two, and his stomach lurched as he spoke. "What are we going to do about her?"

"You aren't going to do anything, baby. I'll take care of it for now. You go lay in the car." She pressed her lips to his temple, and he couldn't stop staring at the speck of blood splattered on her light pink top. She took his hand and led him to the front door.

He shoved his hands into his front pockets, not wanting to look at his hands at that moment. He felt bile rising up the back of his throat; every time he closed his eyes, he saw the horror inside the house. He quickly entered the car before he could throw up. He sat down and closed his eyes, trying to relax as best as he could, considering the circumstances.

He waited for Allison for the better part of an hour in the freezing cold car. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw her step out of the house and jog briskly into the car.

"Hey." She said, sitting down and fastening her seatbelt.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" He exclaimed, a hint of fear and desperation in his voice.

"What?" She asked, shocked by the sudden outburst.

"We just- we just fucking killed her! Why would we do that?" He groaned, bringing up his hands to cover his face.

"Josh, you need to calm down. Death is a part of life. It's natural."

"'Natural'? Allison, taking a gun to someone's head and shooting is anything but fucking natural!" His voiced strained, and tears were beginning to roll down his cheeks again.

She rolled her eyes as she drove out of the neighborhood. "Josh, you have a lot to learn. It's natural in my line of work. Our line of work." She corrected, and Josh could do nothing but bury his head in his hands and think about what he was forced to do.

She sighed softly before reaching her hand over to the radio, turning it on. A familiar song blared through the speakers and Allison started laughing. "This is kind of relevant to our situation, don't you think, Josh? 'Pumped Up Kicks'!" She laughed again.

Josh felt like he was going to be sick.   
_____________________________________

Jonah walked into the dim and cluttered living room, took one glance at a clearly drunk Tyler, and groaned. "Really, Ty? Again?"

Tyler turned away from the T.V and looked at Jonah with a lopsided smirk, his dimple still obvious in the dark. "Hey babe! Come sit down, do you wanna drink with me?" He wiggled the nearly empty bottle of what Jonah knew was the Jack Daniels he saw unopened the night before.

"No, Tyler." Jonah said, the exasperation evident in his voice. "But you can give me that bottle."

Tyler's eyes narrowed, "Why?" He had a hint of distrust in his voice.

"Because," he started, taking a step toward Tyler, "you're not supposed to be drinking that. You're supposed to let yourself heal, right?"

Tyler looked away from him, scowling, "It's fine. I'm not drunk. I'm not going to die if I have one drink."

"One drink? Tyler, you've been getting yourself drunk nonstop since last week, after you came back from the hospital!"

Tyler waved him off, "Honey, you're exaggerating. Now sit with me! I haven't seen you all day." He pleaded, dark brown eyes slightly dazed from too much alcohol.

Jonah groaned, moving forward and snatching the bottle from Tyler. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed, you need to sleep."

Tyler looked at him with an angered look, "What the fuck, man? Gimme my fucking drink!" He extended his arm, trying to grab his drink from Jonah's clutches.

"Tyler, no." Jonah said through gritted teeth,. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. How many times have we had this conversation? And you still keep doing this!"

Tyler rolled his eyes, "You're not my fucking dad. Jesus, fine. Let's go to bed. Whatever." He stood up, allowing Jonah to take his arm before stumbling into the bedroom.

Tyler stared at Jonah with a confused and shocked expression as Jonah helped him into bed. "When did you dye your hair blue?"

Jonah looked up, "It's always been blue?" He said, confusion clear in his voice.

Tyler shook his head in a childlike manner, "No, it was pink. Why didn't you let me help you dye it?"

Jonah looked away, feeling awkward and out of place. "Sorry," he played along, "You were busy that day." He situated himself right next to Tyler on the bed, letting Tyler move closer and wrap his arms tightly around Jonah's torso.

He hummed in agreement, "That's fine. Just tell me next time, I wanna help."

Jonah kissed the top of Tyler's head, "Sure. No problem."

Tyler sighed, mumbling "I love you, Josh." Into Jonah's shirt before closing his eyes and falling into a drunken sleep.

Sure, he didn't know Tyler for more than a week or two. Hell, they weren't even anything official at that point. It still hurt Jonah to hear how hung up poor Tyler was on that man. Especially when he claimed to be so attracted to Jonah.


	18. The Wedding and The Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is struggling, but at least he has Jonah!
> 
> Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell
> 
> It's been forever. Writer's block sucks! Also I may or may not be planning/writing another story right now. 
> 
> ********mentions vomiting near the end. It's not too graphic, but still.******

Tyler had been sober for a week. A week. It felt like a century to him. A full seven days of headaches, irritability, and a ton of cigarettes. He knew that this was better for his health and sanity, but that didn't stop him from waking up at 3:00 in the morning every day to stare at the liquor cabinet with desire. He had even poured out a drink for himself last night. He eyed that for half an hour before lifting it to take a well deserved drink, when Jonah stumbled into the kitchen. Needless to say, the sip never reached his lips, but he wished it did by the end of the heated argument the two shared. He watched with frustrated tears in his eyes as Jonah poured out every last drop of alcohol down the drain. He was full on sobbing when Jonah wrapped his arms around Tyler, telling him how it was best for him.

Once the sun came up, Tyler's sadness had turned into anger, and he found himself ignoring Jonah. He was eating breakfast, silently staring down into his bacon, when Jonah came in with the mail. He sifted through the letters quietly, stopping when he reached a lavish envelope, embroidered in gold ribbon, with Tyler's name adorned on the center. 

Jonah hesitantly passed the envelope to Tyler, who glared at him as he snatched the letter from his hands.

"Are you okay?" Jonah asked, his eyes full of concern.

Tyler had to admit, he wasn't mad at Jonah, per se. He was mad at himself. How could he let himself show so much weakness in front of Jonah? He knew that crying shouldn't be anything to be ashamed of; it was a perfectly normal reaction to his desperation. Rather, he was upset by the fact that he did it in front of Jonah. He barely knew him,; what if he found a way to use it against him? He snapped out of his thoughts before the paranoia took over.

He nodded his head quietly as he tore open the letter, destroying the elegant envelope. He opened the equally beautiful card that was inside, and skimmed it quickly. 

He facepalmed in frustration. One of his good friends from high school was getting married. He hardly remembered hearing him talking about it before his accident. At this point, he wasn't sure if it was appropriate to go, considering the circumstances. He knew there was going to be drinks, loud music, and pretty much anything that wasn't going to improve the current condition he was in. 

"What is it?" Jonah asked curiously, leaning over the the table to get a better look at the invitation. 

"A good friend of mine is getting married, isn't that something?" He asked dully, and Jonah raised his eyebrows. 

"I guess so. Too bad we're not going." 

Tyler squinted at him, "What do you mean by that?"

Jonah ruffled his hair as he looked at Tyler. "You know why we can't go, Tyler. It's a wedding. We can't risk you drinking. Not again." 

For some reason, hearing Jonah say that infuriated him even more. He agreed with him, absolutely he did, but he hated the controlling tone that he had with him. So the obvious solution was to do the exact opposite of what Jonah said. 

"Well, excuse me!" He scoffed, the sarcasm in his voice was evident, and the smile on his face showed anything but happiness. "I didn't realize you could tell me what I could and couldn't do." 

"Come on-" Jonah started, but Tyler interrupted. 

"We're going. And if you really don't trust me, you can watch my every move. Deal?" He asked smugly, with a slightly aggressive tone in his voice.

Jonah had no choice but to agree.

_____________________________________________

Tyler looked over at Jonah, who was unusually interested in the beer in his hands. He leaned in closer and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm gonna to go out. I need a cigarette, okay?" 

Jonah nodded his head, and Tyler stood up and made his way to the front of the venue, slightly loosening his tie as he got away from the pounding music. Once he was outside, he noticed a figure to the right of him smoking as well. He picked a cigarette out of the box, lighting it as he looked out into the night sky, a slight frown on his face. He felt the person to the right staring at him, and it was making him increasingly uncomfortable. He was about ready to say something when the person spoke up, the smooth, deep voice was one that Tyler recognized immediately.

"It's cold, isn't it?" 

Tyler's head snapped to the side, staring at the pink haired man that he knew all too well. 

"For fuck's sake." He turned his head back to the sky and sighed, "Yeah, I guess it's cold."

Tyler tried his best to avoid looking at the man, who had moved closer. They were standing shoulder to shoulder when Josh spoke up.

"Are you uncomfortable? You're not looking at me." 

Tyler laughed, "Well, I don't go out of my way to look at shit, you know?" 

Josh winced, "Ouch. So offensive. Do you still want to be out here with me?" 

The brown haired man rolled his eyes, "Not really, no."

"Then leave."

Tyler narrowed his eyes at him, finally staring at him with a hostile expression. "No. You leave. I'm smoking." 

Josh smiled. It was the grin that he knew Tyler loved, and Tyler wanted to punch him in the face. "So am I, and look," he pointed to a sign behind them, "this is the only smoking area at this venue. So, I guess we're stuck with each other." 

Tyler ignored him, moving a step to the side, away from Josh.

"How's your boyfriend?" Josh asked, stepping closer to Tyler yet again.

"Jonah? He's fine. And not my boyfriend by the way." 

"Oh? Really now?" He inhaled sharply through gritted teeth, "Is that why you were fucking him that one day I came in? Not to mention the time you two were making out the same day."

"Fuck you, Josh."

"Is that why you're fucking him, Tyler? Do you still want to fuck me?" Josh smirked, taking a drag and exhaling through his nose. 

Tyler looked confused, "What does that have to do into anything?" 

"C'mon, don't be like that. You know exactly what it has to do with this. Nose piercing? Gauges? He has blue hair for God's sake, and sure, that's not pink, but it's still dyed. He has a sleeve, too. Jesus, his name is Jonah. Joshua? Jonah? I think," he moved closer, running his free hand up Tyler's arm, "you're fucking him just so you can get away with calling him 'J' in bed. Am I right?" 

Tyler scoffed, yanking his arm away from Josh, "Not everything is about you. You have one big ego complex, sweetheart." he mocked.

"Tyler, don't fuck with me. Your rebound is literally a carbon copy of me. This has everything to do with me. Face it, you're with him because of me."

Tyler frowned at him, "He has something over you, though."

"What's that, then?"

"He's not a complete ass." Tyler smothered the remains of his cigarette, storming back inside, leaving Josh with a smug look on his face.

Tyler had sat back down almost aggressively, and Jonah had noticed something was wrong. 

"Everything okay, Ty?"

Tyler nodded his head, smiling as he pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "I'm alright." 

He had stood up with Jonah, dancing for a few songs, enjoying the wedding. They had sat back down when out of the corner of his eye, he saw Josh walk up to the DJ talking to him and slipping him a few dollars. The song suddenly switched to a much slower one, the flashing lights in the venue dimming down to a dark blue. He scoffed as he saw Josh shyly walking over, hands in his pockets. Tyler looked up at Josh, who had his hand held out toward Tyler.

"Please, Tyler." Josh implored.

He looked over at Jonah, who nodded at him, not minding that Josh wanted a dance. Tyler took his hand cautiously, letting Josh lead him past the multiple swaying couples, to the center of the dance floor. 

Josh pulled Tyler close to him placing one hand into Tyler's, and the other around Tyler's waist. Tyler placed his free hand at the base of Josh's neck, not yet looking directly at him, rather looking past him.

"Ty, look at me." Josh pleaded. "I'm here for you."

"How many times have I told you not to call me that? Tyler; my name is Tyler."

"Well, Tyler, look at me." Josh repeated, and Tyler had no choice but to look at him. Josh's eyes were passionate, looking directly into Tyler's, his grip on Tyler's hand tight, as if holding Tyler was a rare occurrence, and Tyler could tell that he wasn't planning on letting him go for a while. 

"What do you want from me, Josh? What could you possibly want from me that you couldn't get from Allison?" 

Josh shook his head, "Tyler, she's not you. I want you. I miss you, and I want to come home. Don't you think it's been long enough?" 

Tyler smiled crookedly, "Josh, all the time left in the universe wouldn't be enough time to pay for what you did to me."

Josh looked slightly upset, "Don't you miss me, though?"

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, swaying side to side with Josh, "I've moved on. You're with someone else. I'm with someone else. Why would I miss you?"

Josh pulled him in closer, their foreheads pressed against each other and noses touching, lips so close to each other. "You can hate me all you want, Tyler. You can push me away and not look at me. But nothing, and I mean nothing, that you have with that motherfucker will ever be like what you had and what you felt with me. We know each other, inside and out." Josh moved his hand from Tyler's waist to the area where his neck met his jawline, gliding his fingers over the area he knew would send shivers down Tyler's spine. 

Tyler leaned into his touch before turning bright red, obvious even under the blue light. He pushed Josh's hand back down to his waist with the hand not intertwined with Josh's. Tyler cleared his throat, "Is-is that supposed to make me take you back?"

Tyler was trying his best not to stare directly at Josh, despite the fact that they were literally eye to eye. He tried not to notice just how good he looked in a suit; Tyler had always had a weakness for a guy in a suit. He tried not to find solace in the soft exhales lingering on his face, nor the comforting smell of his cologne mixed with the tobacco that he loved so much. He was literally holding himself back from closing the incredibly small distance between them, and finally kissing the lips that he had missed for so long. He had missed Josh, but he was too damn stubborn to admit it.

"Tyler. Please hear me out." Josh spoke with a hint of desperation in his voice. "Don't you remember all of the great things that happened between us? Remember when we used to talk about growing old together? What happened to that?"

"You turned into an ass, Josh. You made an ass of yourself, and thought you could get that past me." He paused, "Oh, and you're a fucking drug addict." 

Josh sighed, moving back from Tyler, and staring into his eyes. "Tyler, you can't just throw away three years of great things for one little mistake."

Tyler looked at him shockingly, "One little mistake? That's what you think it is? Do you understand what you've done to me? Josh, you broke me. I didn't throw anything away, you did. You're the one who decided that your 'little mistake' was good enough to risk those three years going to waste. And they were, by the way. A complete fucking waste." 

Josh's eyes were wet, he was looking at Tyler with a hurt expression, yet there was still a sliver of hope in his eyes. "It was a mistake, a dumb one. It wasn't worth losing you, I'll admit that, gladly. I miss you so much, Tyler. Please." He rested his forehead against Tyler's shoulder, feeling almost immediately comforted by the presence of him. 

Tyler sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to decide what to do. Tyler wanted to take him back, he really did. Despite their similar looks, Jonah was nothing like Josh, and he wasn't sure if he could bear being without the first person he had ever been with, especially since he was going through such an effort to try to win Tyler back. 

"Look at me." It was Tyler this time, and Josh looked at him hopefully, standing up straight. 

Tyler hesitated, unsure of how to ask this crucial question. "When I kicked you out, did you see her again?" 

"Tyler, do you really think that matters?" Josh laughed in disbelief. 

"Answer the fucking question." He said sternly. 

Josh rolled his eyes, "No. I didn't. I was alone." 

Tyler scoffed in disbelief. "Liar."

Josh squinted his eyes at Tyler, "What? What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're fucking lying. Do we have to do this again?" 

Josh was quiet, unsure of what to say.

Tyler laughed spitefully, "I know you were with her. You don't care about me, Josh. You really don't. You just want to assuage your own guilt, that's all. And that's why we could never work. Not again." He untangled himself from Josh, not wanting Josh to see him start crying. 

He rubbed his eyes as he walked away, trying to stop the incoming tears from emerging. He could hear Josh calling his name from behind him. He didn't care. He couldn't care. He walked past Jonah angrily, making a beeline for the bar. As soon as he sat down and ordered a drink, Jonah sat next to him, placing his hand on top of Tyler's.

"Not again, Ty. You're doing so well. Do I have to remind you how much better you feel without it?" Jonah said softly, in an attempt to coax the drink out of Tyler's hand. 

Tyler downed the drink all in one go before turning to Jonah, scowling as he said, "Fuck off." 

Jonah put his hands up in defeat, "Fine. Suit yourself. I'll be right here when you need me to carry you to the car. Because let's be real: you're gonna drink until you can't stand." He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he moved back to their table, still keeping an eye on Tyler. 

Tyler groaned in frustration, downing another drink. This went on, drink after drink, as if to make up for the lack of alcohol he had consumed over the week. He had become desperate, binge drinking until the bartender had to cut him off, much to Tyler's chagrin. He stood up, preparing to curse him out, before he felt himself swaying. He saw out of the corner of his eye a distressed Jonah rushing over to support him.

Jonah had barely gotten to him when Tyler bent over and vomited all of the alcohol he had just consumed. It burned twice as much coming back up as it did going down, and the feeling of throwing all of that up made him retch and dry heave again. Jonah wrapped his arm around Tyler and tried to help him stand straight.

He barely heard Jonah murmur, "You're good, Tyler. It's okay" into his ear. That was mostly because he noticed Josh going to his other side to help support to wherever the hell he was going. 

The walk to the car was a grueling one for all three parties. Tyler wouldn't stop retching and puking, and Josh and Jonah not only had sick all over their shoes, they also had to deal with Tyler's weak and limp form in between them. 

"Let's take him to my car." Josh started, peering at Jonah over Tyler. "He can stay with me." 

Jonah laughed spitefully, "Really? Yeah, fuck that. He's going to his apartment, and I'm taking him there." 

Josh sneered at him, "And who the hell are you? His fuck buddy? You don't know him like I do. You have no idea what he needs." 

"Seriously? I think I know him pretty well, thanks. I know how to deal with him when he's like this." Jonah shot back. 

Tyler retched once again, and the three stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Josh moved Tyler closer to him as he responded, "I've known him for over three years! You've known him for less than a month! You think I don't know how to care for him?" 

"That's the thing, Josh!" Jonah spat, "You knew how to care for him. Past tense! He's changed, a lot, because of you! And I've been there for everything you did to him. You did this to him. You ruined him." If looks could kill, Josh would have died right there, but they continued moving.

"Let's ask him." Josh said, looking at Tyler and caressing his shoulder slightly. "Who do you want to go with? Me or Jonah?" 

Tyler shook his head, looking up at Josh with a dazed look in his eyes. "I just really want to go to sleep right now, and the two of you yelling in my ears is not fucking helping me. I don't give a fuck, figure it out among yourselves." 

Jonah looked at Josh as he guided Tyler back into the passenger seat of his car, "He came with me, he should come home with me. Sorry, bud."

And just like that, Jonah and Tyler had left, leaving Josh at the curb, cursing and yelling angrily.

_____________________________________________

The car ride was completely silent, and Tyler was both relieved and afraid. He had no idea what was going through Jonah's head. To be honest, he barely comprehended was was going on his own head. He was to drunk to process anything except for the fact that he was, well, drunk. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep to the eerily calm silence.

He finally opened his eyes when he felt himself being laid down on the couch. Jonah had an angry, yet sad look on his face as he said, "I knew this was a bad idea." 

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, "The wedding?" 

Jonah shook his head, "No, being your rebound. I knew this wouldn't work out. I really don't know why I stayed." 

"Wait- what?" Tyler asked incredulously.

"Listen, Tyler-"

"No! Don't start with that! Are you leaving?" Tyler looked at him angrily, his brain hardly processing this.

Jonah nodded his head, and Tyler's stomach sank. "Tyler, you're a really nice guy. Seriously, you are. But you are clearly still hung up on your ex, and I don't know if I can deal with that anymore." He said awkwardly as he scratched his head and walked away. "We can always be friends, though." Jonah amended in an attempt to placate him, but it only made Tyler angrier.

"You know what?" He slurred, standing up and following Jonah as he made his way toward the door. "Leave me. Fine, go ahead! Just like everyone else! My parents! My friends! Josh! And now you! You're just like everyone else, you piece of shit!" He screamed as Jonah slammed the front door shut, leaving Tyler in the apartment by himself, tears streaming down his face hard and fast. 

And for the first time since he was disowned by his own blood, he felt truly, completely alone.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **UPDATE***

So I sort of took a break from writing this, for a few reasons. 

1) I have no idea what to write/ I feel like I ran this story dry before the main conflicts even showed up. 

2) I haven't really had time to write, in turn causing major writers block because I forgot most of this story.

3) I didn't get a lot of feedback on the past few chapters. It felt like I was yelling into a void. 

To any one still reading, thanks for sticking around! I had a blast writing this! If you have any idea of where you want me to take the story please leave a comment!!


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